Cuddlenundrum
by Query
Summary: What's green, covered in question marks, and smells of sour milk? An Elseworld's Tale
1. Father's Day

General Disclaimer: The character Dee Lemma/Xiaohu/Query, as well as the entire Jade Tiger Triad is the sole creation of me. Unauthorized use of my characters is not allowed. All other characters (Batman, The Riddler, and all other DC created Gothamites) are property of DC Comics.  
  


~ ~ ~

  
  
I couldn't believe it. Those were words I never thought I would hear from her. Ever. Three times I checked the calendar to see if it was April Fool's Day. But it wasn't. It wasn't even April! It was in fact June, and she had waited a week to tell me this!  
  
She had gotten into the safe to pay Benny and Trigger off and sent them away. Most of her day was spent cooking and making some of my favorites for dinner and dessert. The tigers were especially well behaved, taking their raw legs of lamb off to their room to eat. None of them swatted at me all day.  
  
I should have known something was up.  
  
"I made you a scotch on the rocks, Tiger. Made it with the special scotch," she had said, swaying into my study with the glass lightly held between her fingers. "Thought you might like a drink before dinner."  
  
Sipping the amber liquid, I had sighed and pulled her onto my lap. Resting my head against her heart, I asked, "What's for dinner?"  
  
"I made you a steak, those garlic juniper roast potatoes you like so much, buttered noodles, and a salad with candied walnuts, apples, blue cheese, and a vinaigrette." As she spoke, she ran her fingers through my hair and placed a kiss on my forehead.  
  
"You were making dessert too, weren't you? I could have sworn I smelled your..."  
  
A sly smile. "Chocolate cheesecake with tart cherries. Chocolate crust, just the way you like it."  
  
Dinner had been perfect. The wine, the food, the candlelight, the company... She didn't drink wine. She had pomegranate juice. Juice with a perfectly done steak!  
  
I should have known something was up.  
  
After dinner we retired to the living room where we fed each other cheesecake. I offered her some of my wine. She took the glass and put it on the table, kissing me instead. The cherries and chocolate mingled with her pomegranate juice, flavoring the kiss.  
  
"Yum," she said, pulling back momentarily, only to come back in and kiss my chin. "I have something to tell you."  
  
"Yeah?" I was barely paying attention. How can any man pay attention when he's just been well fed and is then being kissed in such a way as to make his blood boil? I admit I thought she was going to tell me she was going to make love to me. What? I'm a man, just like any other and I do enjoy my time with her.  
  
"First tell me what today is."  
  
"Today?" Shit. Did I forget an anniversary? Her birthday had been last month, so I was safe from that. _Think, man, think!_ I yelled at myself. But it was so hard to think with her lips brushing my collarbone and her fingers running over my chest.  
  
When I didn't answer (in fact, I had gone completely silent, she said later), she answered for me, her mouth in a petulant pout. "It's Father's Day, Eddie."  
  
Father's Day? Why should I care if it were Father's Day or not? I hadn't spoken to my father in... Hell, that was one thing I couldn't remember. I didn't even know if my parents were still alive. Dee had been orphaned and raised by Jiaoshu, the former martial arts teacher of the Jade Tiger Triad, and his concubine, Li Mei. The two were now blissfully retired, leaving Dee's best friend, Manchu in charge of the school.  
  
"So?" I finally said.  
  
"Eddie," she said, sitting up and tossing her long red hair over her shoulder. "Don't you get it Eddie? You're going to be a father."  
  
I swear I heard the crash and felt the jolt as the world came to a screeching halt. For a moment I sat there. Certainly she didn't say what I thought she had. So I checked. Mistake number one.  
  
"Very funny, Dee. You, pregnant," I chuckled, comprehending the joke.  
  
Her eyes looked as if a cloud had just rolled over whatever light source that normally illuminated them. The body, which had been so inviting and soft against me, now stiffened and began pulling away. Lips, which had been full and ready for kissing only seconds before now thinned as she pulled them into a tight frown.  
  
"This isn't a joke! I'm pregnant, Eddie! You know I've been sick in the mornings. I went to see Dr. Zhuang to find out what it was. She gave me a test and told me I was pregnant!"  
  
"But how did you get pregnant?" I asked. Mistake two. _Shut up, Edward. Just shut the hell up!_  
  
A growl of frustration was my answer as she yanked herself off the couch. Grabbing the dessert plate and her glass, she stormed into the kitchen. I sat there, wondering what I had done wrong. In the kitchen the water began to run and the clatter of plates could be heard.  
  
_Get off your ass and get in there, you moron!_ my mind shouted at me. As if I had been goosed, I shot up from the couch and hurried into the kitchen. Taking the dishes out of her hands, I turned the water off and pulled her up against me.  
  
"We were careful, Kitten. How could it have happened?" I held her against my chest so I could rub her belly in the way she liked, in the way that usually calmed her down.  
  
"Gee, I don't know. Maybe someone was overzealous after a job a month ago and couldn't wait. He was so excited about successfully completing such a tough job that he f..."  
  
I cut her off with a kiss. She was right. I had been overzealous that night and had forgotten. But I couldn't resist when I had seen her at the safe, carefully tucking the goods away. Smiling, I remembered the way her costume had looked on her at that exact moment. It was warm, so she had decided to wear the shorts with the fishnets and the little shirt (which wasn't much of a shirt, if you ask me). She said it kept her cooler and gave her freedom of movement, making her job easier. Perhaps, but she also knew what I thought of her in it.  
  
"You're right, I was. But I was not the only one to blame. You knew I was in the room. You wouldn't have done what you did if you were alone."  
  
Now she smiled. Her cheeks lifting against mine as she remembered the way she had moved and stretched when she stood up from the safe. The way she bent over as she twirled the combination lock shut, spinning it with her finger the same way she ran her finger in a circle on my chest when she wanted me to make love to her. The woman was a champion flirt and could make me succumb to her in most any mood I was in, save my especially foul moods. Even then, she managed to relax me to the point where whatever had angered me, even if it had been her, didn't matter so much.  
  
"So I flirted a little," she said almost carelessly.  
  
"A little? Doll, saying that you flirted a little is like saying Noah was only caught in a light drizzle," I teased. I lost count of how many times we had done it that night. We had both been grateful that the guys had decided to head straight to a bar to get drunk the second we got back to the hideout.  
  
"Well?" she asked, stroking my arms.  
  
"Well what? You can't just say 'well' and expect me to know what you're thinking."  
  
"Right now I should. What do you think? I know we said that neither one of us wanted kids."  
  
"I don't know. But it's your body. You're the one who has to carry it, so the final decision is yours." Mistake number three.  
  
Brushing my hands off her body, she turned, looked at me, stomped her foot once, and disappeared into the hideout.  
  
My head tipped back and I looked at the ceiling, hands opened in entreaty. I didn't believe in God, but it was the only reaction that seemed right just then. "Why me? This is a test, isn't it? I'm being tested. She's testing me."  
  
On my way out of the kitchen, I looked at the calendar. It was indeed Father's Day. There was another calendar on the wall in the living room. Father's Day. I checked every room on my way back to our bedroom. When I checked my study, I checked the calendar on my computer. Father's Day.  
  
Maybe I was dreaming. I slammed my hand in the top drawer of my desk. "Shit!" I groaned, wincing at the pain of my throbbing left hand. "Not a dream, Eddie."  
  
Dee was hugging her pillow to herself, crying her eyes out on the bed. It was always hit and miss with her as to if she wanted comforting or not. Generally I offered it unless there was an obvious "get the fuck away from me" sign. Sitting on the edge, I placed a hand on her back. When she didn't growl, I rubbed her back. No hissing. I took my chance and lay down next to her, putting my arm around her.  
  
"Wanna tell me what I said wrong so I can correct myself?"  
  
"Uragh!" she grumbled even as she took hold my left hand.  
  
"Right. It's our decision. I only meant that I would stand with whatever you wanted. If you want to have a kid, we'll have a kid. If you don't, we won't." I attempted not to flinch as she rubbed my sore hand more firmly that I would have liked. Unfortunately, she hit the right spot and I sucked in a pained breath.  
  
"What did you do to your hand, Tiger?" she asked. It was always a good sign when she called me "Tiger."  
  
"I accidentally closed it in my desk drawer," I lied. The unconvinced grunt she gave told me she knew I was lying. She remained quite though. "We're not exactly the best candidates for parents, Dee. Should we allow ourselves to have a kid?"  
  
"Why not? There are couples out there far worse than we are. I was thinking that maybe, if you agreed to keeping it, we could see if we could do better where our parents went wrong. Just because we hop in and out of Arkham all the time doesn't mean we couldn't be good parents and do the child right." She lifted my hand to her lips and kissed it. "We don't have to decide tonight. Just in the next few days."  
  
I agreed to think about it and what she had said. It was true. We didn't have to follow in our parents' footsteps when it came to childrearing. Still, me, Edward Nigma, a father? I was the Riddler! Criminal mastermind! Not "daddy." We talked for a while and found ourselves making love before falling asleep. She said she was nervous and it made her relax. I think she was just feeling amorous. So was I.  
  
Two days later we mutually decided to give parenthood a shot.   
  



	2. Special Announcement

  
  
Dee was the only one of us to have anything nearing a family, so we decided to announce her pregnancy to her friends first. We made plans to have dinner with Manchu and his household. This consisted of his wife, Chu Hua, Jiaoshu, and Li Mei. They greeted us warmly and we were immediately ushered into the dining room where dinner was awaiting us.  
  
"So? What is this news you gathered us for?" Jiaoshu said once we were all settled. Though he was no longer the head of the house, he still took charge at small gatherings like this.  
  
"Xiaohu?" I prompted, looking to her and taking her hand. I called her by the name they had given her, knowing how it pleased her to be reminded of her days in the Triad. And really, it was best that she handle things around this household. Too many times I had wedged my foot firmly in my mouth around her "family."  
  
She sipped her tea and blushed, something she hadn't done in a while. I missed seeing it. Hopefully she would blush more as the evening progressed and she was prodded with questions.  
  
"Well, last week I found out that I was pregnant."  
  
There were shocked gasps from the other women present, both knowing how Dee and I felt about parenthood.  
  
"We decided we're going to have the baby! Provided everything goes right, we're going to be parents," she said, beaming proudly.  
  
The congratulations that followed were joyful, with an edge of restraint I found odd. Yet it was part of the culture and a reason I had a hard time in this house on occasion. The women immediately began chattering about what we were going to name the child and what we were hoping for. For their part, Manchu and Jiaoshu gave me respectful nods.  
  
After dinner the women went upstairs to Dee's old room to talk, taking a pot of tea and dessert with them. This left me alone with the men and feeling rather uncomfortable. I knew the two well enough, but no matter how much time I spent with them, I still felt uncomfortable. Perhaps it had to do with the passive threats they had leveled at me both when I had first met Dee, and then again once we had become lovers.  
  
"So, you two finally are having a child," Manchu chuckled. Sure, he could laugh. He had two handfuls of his own. "I'm not certain if I should be delighted in the idea of a little version of the two of you running around or horrified."  
  
"Horrified?" I asked curiously.  
  
"I grew up with that wildcat friend of mine. You may have taken her heart and become a great part of her life, but I'll bet there are still things you don't know about her."  
  
"Manchu, don't frighten the boy anymore than he already is," Jiaoshu chided. "She is as much a ruffian as he is, but she has a good heart and you know it."  
  
The younger man smirked. "Yes, Jiaoshu." Manchu winked at me and mouthed "old man" behind his hand.  
  
The sound of Jiaoshu's bamboo cane smacking Manchu on the shoulder made me jump. Manchu merely laughed when Jiaoshu smiled and sipped his tea, acting as if he hadn't moved. This was a strange, strange household.  
  
"Was this planned, Edward?" Jiaoshu asked.  
  
Nervously I rubbed the back of my neck. "Er, no. It wasn't. But we've discussed it and decided that we would like to give it a shot."  
  
"'Give it a shot'? Eddie, this isn't one of your riddle games. This is a life," Manchu said, serious now.  
  
"We are well aware of that, Manchu. What I meant is that we want to try to give the kid what we didn't get. We want, of course, for you to be its uncle and Chu Hua its aunt. Jiaoshu, we'd like you and Li Mei to be the child's grandparents, if that's ok with everyone?"  
  
For the first time that night, the old man smiled broadly. "It would be a delight to be the grandfather to a child of such lineage as you and my daughter."  
  
I breathed a sigh of relief. The old man had wanted this and had been waiting, it appeared by his reaction, for a long time. "Dee will be happy to hear, Jiaoshu," I said, inclining my head respectfully. Manners. This was all about manners here.  
  
Manchu started laughing again. "This is going to be great. I remember when we were kids in China and Li Rong had her baby. You should have seen Xiaohu holding poor Jin! I thought for certain she was either going to pass out, or drop him!" Shoulders shaking with mirth, Manchu stood and went to the dining room door. He whispered something to the serving girl outside and came to sit back down. "Really, Eddie, I wish you two the best of luck."  
  
"I'm sure you do. Those tears of amusement just give me all the confidence in the world," I said dryly. "Was she really that bad?" Not that I could believe it after how she was the first time we had sex. Petrified is hardly the word to describe how scared she was.  
  
"Yes. Li Rong constantly pressed the baby on her just to make her relax. While I got stuck running buckets of water, Xiaohu was often made to help take care of Jin."  
  
The serving girl knocked softly and entered, carrying a tray with three small cups and a stoneware bottle. Manchu thanked her and she left. The man got a Cheshire grin on his face as he looked at me and picked the bottle up. When he poured three healthy doses of the clear-as-water liquid, I started to get a really bad feeling about this. He served Jiaoshu first, handing me the second cup, and taking the third.  
  
"To Xiaohu and Edward," he said, raising his glass.  
  
We clinked glasses and I watched as the two men tossed the drink back with practiced ease. They nodded to me, smiling in what they thought was a comforting smile. It looked more like the cat was about to swallow the canary. Taking a deep breath, I followed suit and took the drink in one gulp. I found myself doubled over the table, coughing as the liquid burned its way down my throat and landed, still flaming, in my gut.  
  
"Good stuff, huh?" Manchu winked, quickly filling up the cups before I could protest. "To the birth of a strong and healthy child!"  
  
Once more the drinks were tossed back. This time I went slower with it, but fast enough not to look weak. I knew these two respected strength and I was not about to let some drink kick my ass. The toasts continued and my vision began to swim. The serving girl came in with another bottle at some point, switching out the empty one. I found myself grateful that the table was traditional and we sat on the floor. I really didn't think I would be vertical at a normal table. Hell, by the time I felt a gentle slap on my cheek, I wasn't even certain I was vertical.  
  
"What did you two do to him?!" Dee said, holding my face in her hands. "Eddie? Eddie, darling, are you ok?"  
  
"We were just toasting to the health of you, your child, and your mate, Xiaohu," Jiaoshu said calmly.  
  
The old man was either very good at holding this stuff in, or he had been drinking water. The same went for Manchu who chortled as I tried my best to focus on the face swimming in the sea of red in front of me. She must have noticed the bottle and cups.  
  
"Manchu! You've been giving him erguotou!" Dee said, releasing me. I melted down to the table, unable to keep my head up anymore. I heard her slap him and him cry out in amused pain at her anger. "I knew I shouldn't have left him alone with you two!"  
  
"He'll be fine! He's a strong man!" he laughed, slapping me heartily on the back.  
  
"Manchu-ai," came Chu Hua's voice.  
  
Immediately Manchu's chuckling stopped. All of us men in the room knew the tone of voice Chu had just used too well.  
  
"Ha! You're in trouble!" I laughed, managing to lift an arm and point at Manchu.  
  
Dee stood next to him trying her best not to laugh at what I had just said. Desperately she bit her lower lip as she came back over to me, shaking her finger in my face.  
  
"You're not any better off, Edward! You know how to say 'no'. Say it. Say 'no'," she said, pinching my face in her hands.  
  
"No," I said, grinning at her. Now that the women were back in the room, I felt more comfortable.  
  
"You, old man! You should know better!" Li Mei said, settling back down next to Jiaoshu.  
  
The man simply turned and smiled at her. "I must see that my daughter's mate is able to handle something stronger than that water he is so fond of."  
  
"Dee," I whispered loudly, "what is that stuff anyway?"  
  
"Chinese moonshine, you ninny." She gave a sigh and cupped my face in her hand. "You foolish man. I told you never to trust that idiot Manchu when alone!"  
  
"Hey! I'm standing right here!" he protested.  
  
"Ping, don't make me take you into the courtyard and teach you a lesson!" she said, shooting him a glare.  
  
I couldn't help but laugh at the admonished look on the man's face as he backed down to Dee. "Ow!" I said as she pinched my chest. Rubbing the sore spot, I looked at her. Had I seen the look on her face before I decided to laugh again, I would have remained quiet. She looked ready to cry.  
  
"We'll take care of these two, Xiaohu. You two should go. He needs to sleep off the erguotou," Chu Hua said. She helped Dee stand, brushing strands of red back from Dee's face. "Men," she added in a tone of strained patience.  
  
Manchu called in two men who were on guard duty that night. I realized only too late that they were there to carry me out. They ignored my protests and insistence that I could walk on my own as they followed the group out into the alley where we had parked. Breaking free of their grip when they set me near the passenger side door, I only managed to keep my dignity (and not fall) by taking a death grip on the car as I clambered into the seat. A moment later Dee got behind the wheel.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kitten," I said once we were on our way back to the hideout.  
  
Shaking her head, she ran her hand through my hair. "It isn't your fault. You didn't know what they were giving you to drink." A flow of what I could only guess was very colorful Chinese escaped her lips. "Next time I tell you to watch out for Manchu, please listen to me. He might have grown out of most of the mischief we did when we were kids, but he still comes around with what he thinks is a great joke now and then."  
  
I merely nodded, knowing how she hated me drunk. My current worry was getting myself into the warehouse and into bed without falling down. When we got back, Dee was kind enough to get Benny to help me into the bedroom. After managing the bathroom on my own, she helped me undress and curled under the covers with me.  
  
"Thank you, Tiger," she said after a long silence, wrapping her arms around me and pulling my head to her shoulder.  
  
"For what?" I really wished the room would stop spinning.  
  
"For going tonight. For being such a sport with those two."  
  
I tried to mumble a "welcome" as her lips pressed against my temple. I'm not certain how far I got before I fell into a deep sleep.   
  



	3. Special Announcement 2

  
  
The hangover from the moonshine was with me for two days. I had an idea now how Dee felt when she would wake up with morning sickness. As I was going to be a father, I decided it would be a good time to go into partial retirement. I thought it best to announce this to all the other criminals in our circle with a get together at the Iceberg Lounge. The invitation was an open one to whoever was available (meaning not in Arkham).  
  
With the circle we ran in, we knew to give everyone who would show a chance to make it. The get together was scheduled for eight in the evening. The plan was to make the announcement around nine or nine-thirty. We didn't expect the turnout that we got. Pamela Isley, Harvey Dent, Selina Kyle, Jonathan Crane, and the Joker (we weren't exactly certain if we were pleased he was there or not), to name a few, were all in attendance. The Penguin was there, of course, as the Iceberg was his dinner club.  
  
"So, Eddie, gonna give us any hint on what this is all about?" Pam asked, swirling the olive around in her martini.  
  
I inclined my head to her graciously and tightened my hold around Dee's waist. "Everyone will find out at the same time, Pam."  
  
"Q? You going to tell me?" she said, turning to Dee.  
  
"Sorry, Pam. We'd really prefer just to say it once. Don't worry. It shouldn't be too much longer," Dee replied.  
  
Frowning, Ivy turned away and went to pull Harley away from the Joker.  
  
"I think we'd best tell them before the natives get restless," I said. Dee nodded her agreement and at nine-fifteen exactly, I called attention. "Thank you all for coming here tonight. You're all probably wondering why I asked you here. I'll say it without the riddles..."  
  
"No riddles? The world must be coming to an end," the throaty voice of Two Face said.  
  
Ignoring the dig, I cleared my throat to continued. It was hard enough getting through this speech without wanting to put in riddles. But Dee had made me swear that I would give the information straight out, unless I wanted to spend the next month off in one of the satellite hideouts. Finding that I was far more protective of her now than I had ever been before, I didn't want to think of leaving her alone for that long.  
  
"As I was saying, no riddles tonight, just a straight out announcement. I am announcing two things tonight. The first is my partial retirement from crime."  
  
"You, Eddie? Have you finally come up with the ultimate riddle to stump the Batman? Or are you now realizing, with great fear, that you never will?" Jonathan asked.  
  
"On the contrary, Jonathan, the second announcement is my reason for this decision. Dee and I are going to have a baby!"  
  
The low undercurrent of chatter that had been going on until now came to a complete and utter halt. Dee began squeezing my arm tighter as the silence stretched out. I could feel her slight trembling against my side as we waited to see if anyone would respond. Even the Joker had gone silent giving us a look of disbelief as if we'd just told him Jell-o was no longer allowed in his diet. He was also the first one to break the silence with his giggling.  
  
"Is it true, Ed my boy? A little riddle in the making?" he cackled, sweeping Harley away from Pam. Harley squealed in delight as he held her close and cooed. "Another infant that babbles riddles! Or will it be a litter of kittens, complete with fur and fang?" he hooted in reference to Dee's shape shifting abilities.  
  
I was more than pleased when two heavily built men came and stood over Joker with what looked to be cattle prods. What ever they were, the clown gave them an apprehensive smile and went into a silent grouse. The Penguin gave me a nod from the other side of the bar. After the outburst, the conversation started back up and we were swarmed as people came over with their own comments.  
  
"You rascal you!" Two Face said, giving me a slap on the back that nearly toppled me.  
  
"Congratulations," Harvey added, shaking my hand.  
  
"If you need any herbals, just let me know, hon," Pam said to Dee. She shot me a look that was a mix of disgust and envy. "I can whip you something up to keep stretch marks away and control the nausea."  
  
"That'd be wonderful, Pam," Dee said, sounding grateful.  
  
"I think it's wonderful that you're taking some responsibility in your life, Eddie," Selina said, adding with a smile, "Just hope the kid doesn't come out babbling riddles."  
  
"A child! 'Speak roughly to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes!'" Jervis Tetch said.  
  
I glared at him. Dee gave the back of my shirt a slight tug as she tightened her grip on it.  
  
"Perhaps just a bonnet then? I could certainly provide a bonnet for the dear child!"  
  
Dee rolled her eyes as she eased herself into one of the tall bar chairs. "I'm sure you could, Jervis," she said, attempting not to rub her temples.  
  
"A gagy? Hope it takes its looks from you, Kitkat, and not dis ugly mug," Scarface said.  
  
"C-congratulations, Mr. Nigma, Miss Query," stammered Arnold Wesker.  
  
Giving the puppet a patronizing pat on the head, Dee said, "Thank you, Arnie."  
  
Once everyone had come by and given their congratulations and made their little comment, the Penguin did something he rarely did. He bought the gathered rogues free drinks for the next hour. I was suddenly surrounded by some of the men, while Pam, Harley, and Selina hauled Dee off.  
  
"Finally got one of your question marked swimmers to hit the target," chuckled Two Face, shoving a double shot of straight bourbon into my hand. "We didn't know you were trying. Drink up while you still can, pal."  
  
"Here, here," came the resounding cry from the gathered men.  
  
"We weren't trying, actually," I said, sipping the drink.  
  
"Didn't wrap the riddle properly before delivering it?" Jonathan asked smirking.  
  
Refusing to dignify that with an answer, I drained the glass of bourbon and set the tumbler on the bar.  
  
"He forgot to bag it," Two Face said with a grunt. "There's always the option of..."  
  
"No. We already discussed it. We wouldn't have said anything if we were going to do that. It was all talked over. How this is going to change our lives and..."  
  
A hand slapped onto my shoulder. From the weight and the painful pinch, I knew it was the Joker. His other hand landed on my other shoulder and he leaned in. "Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. This has got to stop. First you take this girl in, refuse to tell us what exactly she was doing when you found her..."  
  
"That was her choice, Jack," I reminded him. "She likes her privacy."  
  
He pinched my shoulders harder and I winced as his thumbs dug into my shoulder blades. "You never hit her. How do you think that makes me look? Haven't you ever given the girl a smack or two for the fun of it? Harley just screams with pleasure when I toss her around."  
  
Once more I remained silent, letting the idiot go on.  
  
"And now you do this. You _are_ trying to make me look bad, aren't you? Going and having a kid! Harley's going to want one next. It'll be all the rage for the girls to be ready to burst with infant life." He shoved me forward against the bar and turned to Harvey. "What about you, Twofers? What happens when Pam wants to have herself a couple heads of lettuce? You're not going to stand here and let that happen, are you? Pleasant Sundays in the park, pushing those little leafy heads around in a stroller!" Joker laughed.  
  
"Pam can't have kids. I lucked out on that," grinned Two Face even as Harvey frowned.  
  
"Don't worry, Jack. I'm certain that you couldn't have kids anyway," I said. _Watch it, Eddie. Psychotic clown. Thin ice!_ "How would Harley know which one to burp and change the diaper on first?"  
  
A smoldering silence came from behind me as I calmly downed my third scotch. I should say that I was _trying_ to be calm. My stomach was flipping the way Harvey's coin did when he was asked a simple "yes or no" question. The sound of grinding teeth edged in after a second. I kept watch of the angry white face in the mirror behind the bar.  
  
"Ha!" Joker finally said, slapping me on the back. "Good to see you still have a spine, twerp. Just remember to watch that mouth of yours if you want to keep it in one piece." Turning on his heel, he marched around the bar like a toy soldier, joy buzzing those he stopped long enough to talk to.  
  
"Done without a hint of fear in your eye," Jonathan said. He sounded rather disappointed at that.  
  
Right then I was just glad to still be breathing, knowing that Dee would not be raising the child alone. I really did need to watch myself now that I had a lot more to lose. Of course, after a brush with death at the hands of the Joker, I decided as well to stop paying attention to the fact that my glass seemed to keep refilling itself.  
  
"Could I please get another pineapple juice?" Dee said, suddenly appearing at my side. She pressed in under my arm. "Don't let them drag me off again, Eddie."  
  
Wrapping my arm protectively around her waist, I nodded. "Girl-talk getting to you?"  
  
"More the questions of where we did it and in what position. That would be from Harley," she said quickly. "Pam seems to think you did this to turn me into a repressed woman, while she envies me the ability to have a child at the same time. Selina... I'm not certain what to make about her feelings about this. She seems happy enough, but at the same time she seems sad."  
  
"Maybe she sees it as the domestication of a fellow feline. That or she'd like kids of her own. I think all of you do, even if you don't say it," I said, picking my glass up.  
  
Dee's hand covered it before I could put my lips on the rim. "You've had enough tonight. I'm not taking care of you and your hangover again. Besides, it's getting late and I'm getting tired."  
  
"It isn't that late," I said, pulling my sleeve back to look at my watch. It was already one in the morning. "Well, I guess it is getting late."  
  
"Mm," she agreed, putting her arms around my waist. "You've been up here with the guys for a few hours now. I've watched as everyone has bought the future dad drinks. I think it's time that I took you home and put you to bed before you fall over like you did the other night."  
  
Now I had to agree. I asked for the tab, only to find out that the Penguin had let us drink free all night after our announcement. Placing a tip down for the bartender, we said our goodnights. With my hand to the small of her back, I led her out.  
  
"You're really taking all of this seriously, aren't you?" I commented, noting how she had become far more conscious not only of what she did, but what I did.  
  
"Why shouldn't I? This isn't something that can be taken lightly. It's a huge responsibility, Eddie."  
  
"Yes, but that doesn't mean you should lose your sense of fun, Kitten." I took her right hand and kissed it.  
  
She tugged it away and huffed. "Someone has to take something serious instead of downing scotch and bourbon all night," she grumbled.  
  
_Good going, Eddie! You've managed to take her from zero to angry in 1.2 seconds._  
  
The car jerked to a stop in the garage and she wrenched the parking brake up. Snapping up her bag, she bolted from the car, slamming the door as hard as she could. The garage door into the hideout got the same treatment as she stormed through it.  
  
"Go apologize and make her feel better," I mumbled tugging my seatbelt off. "Yes, sir. Yes, sir." I paused in the kitchen and grabbed a bag of cookies, a box of crackers, and a bottle of juice. "Don't forget to give her a snack. Yup. Snack. I'm on it."   
  



	4. Last Day On the Job

  
  
There is nothing so interesting as waking in the middle of the night to find your girlfriend bawling on the kitchen floor with a pint of ice cream and three tigers. When I asked her what was wrong, she proceeded to tell me that the ice cream was not only too cold, but wasn't the marshmallow and caramel swirl she wanted. By the time I returned from the store with what she wanted, she was asleep with her limbs wrapped around my pillow. It was official: her hormones were going crazy.  
  
About three months into her pregnancy, one of my fences tipped me off to a private collection, which contained quite a few items his customers were interested in. Knowing I could sell the items off, I had quickly made up the riddles and gathered my men. They had since moved out of the main hideout not wanting to get in the way of Dee and her pregnancy. I think it was the wisest move Benny and Trigger had ever made. Still, they came by to help her out twice a week when she needed to clean the tiger room.  
  
"I've got to go meet the guys, Kitten. I'll try to come back tonight. Keep your comm-unit near you, ok?" I said one night.  
  
"Meet the guys? Why? What's going on?" she asked putting her book down. When she saw that I was dressed in my Riddler suit, she frowned. "Eddie, you're not going out now, are you?"  
  
"Just tonight, Kitten. It's a big score and we'll need the money."  
  
"But... You're just going to leave me tonight? What if something happens to you? What if tonight is the night he goes crazy and kills you? What if you get into a car chase and crash and die? You're going to leave me!" she said chin trembling.  
  
Taking her into my arms, I held her close. "Kitten, I've done this plenty of times. _We've_ done this plenty of times. It's a quick job with a good pay off. I made certain of that. Low risk."  
  
"I want to go. I can change and be ready in a few minutes," she said, pulling back and taking a step away.  
  
"No. Not this time," I said, grabbing her hand. "You have the kid to think about now. I'm not going to risk you losing the baby because we get into a fight with Batman and he roughs you up."  
  
"So it's fine if you go and the kid loses its father. I see," she hissed, angry now. Half shifting, she turned and swiped at me with claws extended. We struggled briefly before she managed to graze my cheek with her claws. I let her go. Jogging down the hall a short way, she turned and looked at me, fur bristled in anger. "Go, Eddie! Go let Batman beat you up! I don't care because you don't care!" With that last outburst, she ran into the tiger room and was silent.  
  
"It's just the hormones. It's just the hormones," I told myself getting into my car. _I am in so much trouble._  
  
The job went like clockwork up until we were leaving and Batman caught up with us. He knocked Benny and Trigger down as he came after me. I had instructed Benny to take off with the items should this happen, knowing that they were important. Once the Bat set his sight on me, I saw Benny get up and take off.  
  
"Why are you still out here, Nigma? You have responsibilities now," he growled even as he punched me in the stomach.  
  
He knew about Dee. Of course he knew. He was like some sort of information sponge, sucking up bits of data and trivia about people and things like they were food. I just described myself, didn't I? Ok, so we shared something in common. But he still didn't give me a chance to answer before smashing his fist into my face. I could feel the blood trickling out of my nose and over my lip.  
  
"Takes money to raise a family, Batman," I finally gasped, sneering at him.  
  
Trigger came in then, bringing a trashcan down on the Dark Knight's head. He followed it up with a solid kick to the stomach and a knee to the face. As Batman reeled back from the attack, Trigger gave me a hand up and we took off running. Near the corner a car screeched to a halt and Benny waved us to hurry. We dove into the vehicle as he peeled away. Looking through the back window, I breathed a sigh of relief when I noticed Batman was not in sight. I had a feeling he was letting me escape this time.  
  
"Go to the nearest hideout," I instructed pinching my handkerchief to my nose. I waited until we were there before disappearing into my room and switching on the comm-unit. "Q-doll? You there?"  
  
"Eddie!" came her worried voice and face. "You're hurt!"  
  
"I'll be fine. We got what we wanted and we got away. We're at the old Puzzle Palace and..."  
  
"Are you coming home?" she interrupted.  
  
"Not tonight, Kitten. But I promise I'll be back in the morning."  
  
"I need you tonight, Tiger. Come home?" she pleaded, pouting.  
  
I sighed. I hated when she did that. "I have some business to see to right now. If I can get it done quickly, I'll come home. But I can't promise anything."  
  
She nodded and frowned. "I love you," she said softly.  
  
"I love you, too. Go to bed. I'll be home as soon as I can," I said.  
  
Another nod and she let the screen go black. Putting on a clean shirt, I looked around at the room. She had just made the decision for me. I was going to retire completely, clean out all of my hideouts, and find another way to make money. I headed into the bathroom and washed my face, taking care of the wounds I had gotten including the scratches from her.  
  
I made it back to the main hideout around three in the morning. Dee was sound asleep when I got in. Getting myself cleaned up, I got into bed as quietly as I could. Scooting next to her, I watched her sleep for a few minutes before lifting the lower edge of her shirt and baring her belly to the moonlight. Her skin pebbled slightly in the air-conditioned room. It was almost imperceptible, but as I ran my hand over her warm skin, I could tell her belly was starting to swell.  
  
"Mm. Tiger, you made it," she said sleepily. Dee touched my face, a look of sadness in her eyes as she lightly touched my nose. "Are you ok?"  
  
"I'm fine. He's punched me in the face plenty of times," I replied, stroking her belly softly.  
  
"I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean what I said about you not caring. You do care, I know you do." She smiled now as she ran her fingers through my hair. "After all, you came home."  
  
"You asked nicely." I kissed her eyes closed and pulled the covers back up. "Go back to sleep now. I'm not going anywhere anymore."  
  
She took my hand and put it on her hip. Her finger tickled as she ran it down my chest, kissing me. "I asked you to come home because I missed you." Now she looked at me coyly through her lashes, her finger circling over my heart. "And I said I needed you."  
  
"I'm tired and sore, Kitten," I sighed stilling her hand.  
  
Pushing me back onto the pillows, she rested her chest against mine. "I never said you had to do anything but enjoy."   
  



	5. Tiger Talk

  
  
After discussing things with her, Dee had begged me to keep the few hideouts we had around the city. Since most of them were part of defunct stores, I decided to put the places to use and opened up a chain of puzzle shops. With a bit of talking and encouragement, I managed to get Benny and Trigger to agree to help get the places on their feet. Both of them had family who needed a second chance and seeing as I was getting one with the kid, I decided to give them a second chance and staffed my store with them. The rule was, however, any stealing from me or using drugs and they would be fired immediately, no questions.  
  
One thing led to another and I found myself creating an exclusive puzzle line on the side. Had I realized just how much of a reputation I had built up as the Riddler, I probably would have retired a few years back and done this. My stores were lucrative and I had an offer to sell it to a larger chain and live off profits alone from my puzzle line. I flatly turned this down, finding bizarre pleasure in being not only owner of Enigma's Puzzles and Novelties, but in the running of the business itself.  
  
Four and a half months into the pregnancy and things were going smoothly. As much as we had not wanted to be parents before, we were now delighted in the process of her pregnancy. Dee took much pleasure in displaying her softly swollen belly when we would go out. She had the glow of childbearing about her and used it to her advantage on me.  
  
Her moods had evened out for the most part, but she still had her moments. When angry, she would half shift. I had strictly forbidden her to ever fully shift while she was pregnant, as we didn't know if the action would affect the growing fetus. The third time she shifted and scratched me, I took her ring away and hid it. This got me glares from the tigers and half a night on the couch before she decided she couldn't stay mad at me and called me back into bed. Still, she didn't get her the ring back until a week later.  
  
Dee woke me up one night, excited, babbling, and in tears. Before I had time to register anything, she was holding my hand firmly to her belly.  
  
"Feel it? Did you feel it, Eddie?" she cried holding a hand to her mouth.  
  
I waited silently, noticing the bowl of half melted ice cream and rice resting between her outstretched legs. It was one of her favorite snacks. How could I complain? At least it wasn't a combination of pickles or fish and ice cream. Though it did worry me the one time I saw her pouring soy sauce and chocolate syrup over it.  
  
"What am I feeling?" I finally asked after a couple minutes had passed, yawning and wiping my other hand over my face.  
  
"Just wait!"  
  
And then I felt it. "It kicked," I said grinning like an idiot.  
  
From then on I spent a good amount of time talking to her belly. She was amused when I would greet her with a kiss, and then bend to kiss her belly asking how my child was. The kid hadn't even been born yet and I was acting like a sap. At night when I would watch her sleep, I would often find myself holding soft conversations or telling stories to the life growing inside of her. If she knew anything about that, she never let on.  
  
With her growing belly, she often found it hard to sleep through the night. I bought her a body pillow to help her be comfortable at the very least. More often than not, she used me for that purpose. I tried not to complain, but there were nights when I had to turn her onto her other side just so I could sleep comfortably. The best solution I had found was tucking the body pillow on the other side of her, turning her on to it (she gladly wrapped herself around it as if it were me), and spooning her to me. This way we both got the sleep we needed.  
  
"Eddie?" Dee poked her head into my study where I was working on a design for a new puzzle cube. "You forget what today is?" she asked.  
  
Quirking my eyebrow at her, I looked up from my work and checked my planner. "Month five and a doctor's appointment."  
  
"Cheater," she smirked.  
  
"I'm just trying not to get into any trouble with you," I said shrugging my jacket on.  
  
It was the day of the first sonogram where the doctor would be able to tell us if we'd be having a son or a daughter. I still hadn't decided which one I wanted more. My ego wanted a son to carry on my name. Another part of me wanted a daughter just so I could see what Dee had been like as a child. Either way I would be happy.  
  
"Don't you dare look, Eddie," she said as the doctor smeared the conductive gel onto her belly. "I know you've been studying how to read these things!"  
  
"So you don't want to know the sex?" Dr. Zhuang asked with a smile.  
  
Dee shook her head. "We want the riddle to remain unanswered until delivery time. But this oaf will try to cheat if I don't watch him," she said pushing my face away from the screen.  
  
"I'm only human!" I cried in mock anguish.  
  
"Well, the baby looks healthy and active from what I can see here. Are you certain you don't want to know the sex?"  
  
I tried to turn my face to the monitor again, only to have Dee's hand cover my eyes. "We're certain," she said.  
  
Dr. Zhuang laughed. "He's just eager, Dee. You can look now, Eddie. I'm done with the pictures."  
  
After finishing up at the doctor's, Dee insisted I take her out to lunch. I took her to Garibaldi's, the Italian restaurant where we had our first date. The owner, Renato, was happy to see us and immediately took us to our favored table. He personally brought us our drinks, a scotch for me and a bottle of sparkling apple cider he had started to carry just for Dee. She ordered the seafood pasta she loved and pleasured in the garlic bread Renato had sent over to us. As a treat, he also sent her crème brulee for dessert.  
  
"Is there something between you two that I should know about?" I asked when she received the dessert.  
  
"Yes, Eddie. The baby is actually his. I didn't want to tell you, but it's true," she teased with a wink.  
  
"I thought so. I suppose it's the food, isn't it? All the pasta and crème brulee you can eat!"  
  
"Of course! I've based all my relationships other than ours on the food I can get. Don't forget Miguel at the Mexican restaurant, Nicodemus at the Greek place, Theo at the pub, Shen at the Chinese restaurant..." She continued on, ticking names off on her fingers.  
  
I shook my head and laughed. "So what you're saying is it could really be any of them that's the father."  
  
"Y'know, you're absolutely right," she said tapping her lips thoughtfully with the spoon. "You know how I am. Give me a good meal and I'm your slave!"  
  
We paid the bill and left shortly after. She fell asleep in the car on the way back. I didn't have the heart to wake her, so I carried her to the bedroom and left her to sleep. When I went to check on her a little while later, Dee was propped up and surrounded by all three tigers. They gurgled a greeting and returned to murmur feline nonsense at her belly. She bit her lip in amusement as Tangram nudged her belly gently with his nose.  
  
"They're talking to it. They want to know when the cub is coming," she giggled.  
  
Shoving my way onto the bed and moving some of the pillows, I reclined her back into my arms. "Oh? Did they tell you this?"  
  
"Yes. They've known longer than you about the kid. I asked them if I should tell you I was pregnant."  
  
Tilting her face to mine, I looked her in the eye. "You told these fleabags before me? I feel left out now. What else have you been discussing with them?"  
  
"Everything," she smiled slyly. "There's no secrets between us. They said it was about time we decided to have a cub." She paused as Rebus looked at me and grumbled. "He said that you needed to rub my back."  
  
"He said that, did he?"  
  
She nodded, tweaking Rebus' ear. The tiger grumbled happily and lifted his chin to be scratched. As she obliged him, the other two looked at me with their big yellow eyes. "I suppose I should do as he says then."  
  
With a click of her tongue, she signed for the tigers to get off the bed. "Help me out here would you, Tiger?" she asked wiggling to unhook her bra. "My boobs are killing me today and this damn thing isn't helping!"  
  
Laughing, I helped her change out of her shirt and bra (yes, I enjoyed it) and into her pajama top, before I started massaging her back. She purred as I kneaded the muscles of her back, pressing along the sides of her spine. After a few minutes of this, she pushed back into my arms and wrapped my hands around her belly.  
  
"You gonna make dinner tonight?"  
  
The question was part of a running joke between us. I was a horrible cook and she knew it. The few times I had actually tried my hand at making her what she wanted, we ended up having a good laugh before going out. Now I just found what she wanted at a nearby restaurant and ordered it.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"Beef stew. And peanut butter toast. Actually, I want the peanut butter toast now." She turned and gave me an imploring grin, throwing in a kiss to my chin for good measure. "With chocolate chips."  
  
"Ok, toast now, beef stew for dinner. What kind of ice cream do you want? I'll make certain to get it if we don't have it." I got up, rolling my eyes at her cravings.  
  
"Cookies and cream. Make certain there's rice in the steamer, please?"   
  



	6. Grow Your Own

  
  
As the holidays neared, I found myself getting nervous about things. We were living in a renovated warehouse with no one other than actual business warehouses around. Dee remained cheerful for the most time, but she would often fall into a sighing depressed mood as she walked around the place. She spent a few days a week with Chu Hua, exercising and discussing whatever it was women who were or had been pregnant talked about. Lately she seemed to be spending as much of her time over there as she could.  
  
Without her knowledge, I began looking at houses. I looked at the ones inside the city and would often take trips out of the city to look at some larger ones in the surrounding areas. Many of them were nice and she would probably love them, but I had to think of space for the tigers as well. There was no way she was going to allow me to move her if she couldn't have the cats with her. I would agree as I felt better when the creatures were around, especially if I wasn't.  
  
Finally I brought the issue up to her after dinner one night. We lay on the couch eating ice cream. She was eating her own special blend of chocolate brownie fudge with rice and cheddar cheese. Dee lay back in my arms, the bowl on her belly as we watched a movie. I brushed her hair back from her neck and kissed it softly.  
  
"Kitten? I've been wanting to ask you something," I began as the movie was coming to an end.  
  
"Shh! This is one of the best parts!" she said, pointing at the screen. "'What would ever happen if I dropped you?' 'I'd got right down the drain.' 'And?' 'I'd take you right down with me, shorty,'" she chanted along with the last lines. Sniffing, she turned the television off. "He loves her so much!"  
  
I chuckled in her ear, kissing the soft lobe. "And I love you, shorty." Pausing, I waited as she ate the last bite of her ice cream and placed the empty bowl on the table. "Now, as I was saying, I need to ask you something."  
  
"Go for it, Tiger," she said snuggling under the blanket and playing with my fingers.  
  
"It's about this place. If you want, I'll get you a house either here or the countryside. I've been looking and I've found a few that you might like. We'll have to do a little remodeling to make space for the tigers, but we could do it."  
  
"You want to move? But I love it here. The other warehouses are far enough off that we don't get too much of the noise from them. We don't have any nosy neighbors to deal with. And besides, this is home." She shook her head and looked back at me. "We'll move if you want and if you think it's best, but I love the city and I don't think I could take being too far away from it."  
  
"I only suggest moving because you seem so unhappy here lately. You spend so much time at Chu's, I thought you might want a house so that the kid can have a normal upbringing."  
  
"Eddie, we're hardly normal parents. Look at you. You still wear your Riddler stuff every single time we go to the Iceberg. No matter how long you go without pulling a job, you're still the Riddler. And I'm still Query and Xiaohu. I've only been spending a lot of time with Chu because I don't want to keep you from your work. I'm not always with her though. Manchu lets me help with teaching or cooking. They let me sit and help prepare the lunches and I can swim in the bathing pool." Sighing, she kissed my fingers and pressed my hand to her face. "I want to live here and I want to raise our child here. We're not the house type anyway, so why should we move into one and pretend to be?" She paused. "There is one thing that would make this place perfect."  
  
"What's that? Name it and we'll do it."  
  
"A garden. I want a nice garden so that the child has someplace to play and I have somewhere to relax when spring and summer come. We can have some fruit trees, a bit of lawn..."  
  
"I'll talk to Pam about it. You can tell her what you want and she can plan it out. It'll be a good way for her to earn some legitimate money. Even if she will use it for something else," I said. Knowing Pam, it would either go to funding one of her crime sprees, or she'd give every penny of it to a charity for the conservation and preservation of some forest or another. "I'll hire someone to tear up the parking lot around the back and we'll put the garden out there, ok?"  
  
"Perfect." She grinned up at me. "Think it's a good idea to have Pam do it though? She might slip in some of her, ahem, personal plants."  
  
"She won't. And she would kill me if I went to someone else for this!"  
  


~ ~ ~

  
  
I was amazed at how quickly Pam agreed to do the garden. She came over almost immediately after I called her the next day and spent the next three hours measuring the area I showed her. Once she had everything measured out, she made a pot of tea for herself and Dee and sketched out the area. Pam attempted to tell Dee what to put in and where. Dee had no intention of someone else telling her what would be planted in her garden and gave Pam a list of trees and plants she wanted.  
  
By the end of the afternoon, Pam had the plans down and said she would get working on it immediately. When I asked her about the price, she told me to pay for whatever she would need, whatever help she would hire (Pam was very particular about who was going to be planting things), and then I was to give a hefty donation to Eco-Warriors. I agreed without too much arguing.  
  
"I just have two requests of you, Pam. One is no funny plants. I don't want to go out there and find them attacking anyone. The second is this." Reaching into my desk drawer, I pulled out a handful of smooth, brown seeds, each similar in shape and size to a shelled hazelnut. I placed them on the desk in front of her. "Loquat seeds. One of Dee's favorite fruits. I saw she asked for cherry, peach, pomegranate, and persimmon trees, but not one of these. Think you can get it to grow here?"  
  
"Eddie, who do you think you're talking to? Of course I can get it to grow. I could get it to bear fruit year-round, if I wanted. Just get the area cleared and proper soil put down. I'll do the rest."  
  
"Forgive me. I was just thinking of the winter. But I'm sure you'll engineer it to survive. You always have been good with that." Writing her a check for five thousand dollars, I handed it over. "I appreciate this, Pam."  
  
"I'm sure you do. I won't let you down, Eddie."  
  
By the end of the week the asphalt was coming up and a concrete block wall going up to enclose the garden area. Once the wall was finished, the area was marked out and pathways were laid down. Filler soil was trucked in and spread around, along with an additive Pam had insisted on. I didn't ask, I just paid. Dee was pleased with the progress, even if she did complain about the noise sometimes when she was trying to nap.  
  
"Everything is ready to go, Eddie. The plants will be ready to go in around the end of February and the beginning of March. Do me a favor and keep those animals of hers out of there until then, ok?"  
  
I nodded as I walked her to her car. "The Christmas party is next week. Dee and I decided we were going to go. Will you still be there?"  
  
"Of course. Someone has to be there to make certain Oswald has only live trees."  
  
Again I nodded. "Just stay out of trouble until then, ok? I don't want Harley being the only female Dee has to talk to. You know how Harley can get sometimes."  
  
"That is if her and Joker don't go and do something to get themselves thrown back in Arkham before then. I'll be there, Eddie. Just make certain you buy her a nice dress and don't get yourself drunk. And do the girl another favor, would you? Ask her to marry you, for Gaia's sake!" Without another word, Pam revved the engine on her car and took off.  
  
Marry? Out of everything I had thought about, that wasn't something I considered. Wandering back inside I found Dee in the kitchen making dinner.  
  
"Pam just suggested that I ask you to marry me," I blurted out. _Oh! Nice one, Eddie! That performance was a solid ten! Couldn't give the girl a ring or flowers or anything like that, could you? What happened to you and asking questions? Dumbass._  
  
The dish she had just pulled out of the cabinet clattered to the countertop from her hands. Hands held in the same position, she turned around and blinked. She looked shocked as her mouth moved and she tried to speak. Lowering her hands she looked at me and shook her head. "Why would I marry you?"  
  
Her words were like a slap in the face. I visibly winced. The corners of my mouth felt as if one-ton weights had been placed on them. Was I no longer good enough for her?  
  
As fast as she could move, she was next to me holding my face in her hands. "Oh, Tiger! I didn't mean it like that! I meant more why would we need to be married? We're happy the way we are, aren't we? If you're asking me, I'll marry you. But if you were just bringing it up for discussion, I don't see why we should! I thought we agreed, ooo-ee-sha-sha-coo-coo-yeah."  
  
"We did. It was for discussion. Pam said I needed to ask you to marry me. I never saw the need. We said our vows to each other long ago. We are happy the way we are. The main reason I never asked such a thing was because I feel the paper would just complicate things."  
  
"It's a meaningless bit of paper. Who says we're not just as attached without the it?" she asked laying her head to my chest and rubbing my back. "Pam needs to keep her nose out of our business. Especially when it comes to something like this. You should have asked her why she hasn't gotten Harvey to marry her." She nuzzled my shirtfront and looked up at me.  
  
"That would have gotten me into a lot of trouble and you'd now be pulling thorns out of my hide."  
  
Folding her arms across the top of her belly, she scowled. Dee's incensed grunt told exactly what was on her mind, but she still said, "Who is she to go and get mad at that? I don't recall asking her for any advice about our relationship! I should go claw up some of her plants to show her what it's like when someone butts in where they're not wanted! Screw her!"  
  
The anger she was radiating made me laugh. I pulled her back into my arms and kissed the top of her head. "Oh, Kitten. I'm sorry I even brought the subject up. I promise not to bring up idiotic things like that again, ok?"  
  
"Ooo-ee-sha-sha-coo-coo-yeah, right?" she said nuzzling her nose against my chest, and taking a deep breath. Her hands lay flat on my shirtfront, fingers flicking at the buttons. My shirt was already unbuttoned at the throat, but now I felt her pop open the next two buttons and nibble on my collarbone.  
  
"Ooo-ee-sha-sha-coo-coo-yeah," I answered. Tilting her chin up, I added in a serious tone, "But if you ever do feel that we should get married, you let me know, ok?"  
  
Her kiss answered my question.   
  



	7. Christmas at the Lounge

  
  
"We're going to be late, Dee! Aren't you ready yet?" I asked, tapping my foot impatiently outside our bathroom.  
  
"I'm almost done. Keep your question mark curled!"  
  
_Keep my question mark curled? What in the hell is that supposed to mean?_  
  
The bathroom door opened and she poked her head around. "Close your eyes." Sighing, I humored her. "Ok. What do you think?" she asked nervously.  
  
I motioned for her to turn around, sucking in a breath as she did so. Her bright red hair was piled on her head and held in place by hair sticks with little enameled metal question marks on the ends. The dress was a deep green and made of silk. It had to have come from Madame Hsia's, the tailor she had been going to in Chinatown for years. My eyes flowed from the Mandarin collar to her bare arms, to the shapely leg that peeked out from the slit up one side of the dress. Her long neck was emphasized by the dangling question marked earrings she wore. The fabric wrapped tastefully around her body, complimenting her pregnant form.  
  
"It's horrible, isn't it?" she frowned when I didn't answer. "I should have stuck with something else. I won't take long to change."  
  
"No! No!" I grabbed her before she could start unfastening the frogs. "You look stunning. More than stunning. I just can't find the words to say it properly."  
  
"You can't find the words? Who are you and what did you do with my Edward?" she giggled as I nuzzled her peach scented neck.  
  
"I can be rendered speechless sometimes." I nibbled her neck as I held her tightly.  
  
"No you can't. You always have something to say. Always have to try to have the last word..." She stopped, her breath quickening and her hand petting the side of my face. "Eddie, stop. You said yourself we were going to be late and I know where you're headed right now." The words were ended with an elbow to my ribs and a laugh as she pulled away from me.  
  
Rubbing where she had hit me, I grinned at her. She still had spunk. Helping her on with her overcoat, I tried to steal another kiss, only to have her elbow me again. The second time she waggled a finger at me. Hand on her lower back, she walked out the bedroom door.  
  


~ ~ ~

  
  
The Lounge was crowded when we walked in, filled with all levels of costumed criminals. The place looked like a grade school dance where all the boys were on one side and the girls on the other. Only here all the low ranking criminals were on one side, the high ranking on the other. It amused me to see a few of the lesser known rogues trying to make their way down into the bar, only to have one of the men bark at them, sending them skittering back to their table.  
  
"Good to see you two made it, Edward," Penguin said shaking my hand. He turned and kissed Dee's hand. "You look radiant, my dear."  
  
Dee gave him a gracious smile as she discreetly wiped the back of her hand off on my pant leg. He always gave the girls a soggy kiss on the back of the hand. "Thank you, Oswald. The place looks nice this year."  
  
"I let Pam handle the flora this year. It was less of a headache than I thought! Saved me money too because she's brought in most of it herself. Just watch the holly. It's especially prickly, if you get my drift."  
  
We nodded. "What's with the wannabes tonight?" I asked gesturing to those assembled around the tables.  
  
Oswald rolled his eyes. "They started showing up a little while ago in small groups. Safety in numbers, I suppose. They think they have the proper plumage to show around here. Good drinkers, though, even if they aren't birds of our feather."  
  
Of course the alcohol was the reason he let them stay. He would be rolling in the profits from tonight. It looked to me that they were consuming more alcohol than our group was.  
  
"Eddie! Eddie Nigma! Long time no see!" a voice called out.  
  
My lip automatically curled in disgust at the voice. Slowly I turned around, Dee still attached to my arm. "Arthur Brown," I said, suppressing the urge to haul off and punch him in the face. It was doubly hard when he saw Dee and sneered in disgust.  
  
"So it is true. If you'd like some tips on fatherhood, I can help you with that. You and I could get together for drinks and discuss things," he said, sounding hopeful. "Maybe once the little brat comes and you tire of listening to it howl we can get together for a job."  
  
_Only if the job is killing you, Arthur. Tips on fatherhood, indeed! You don't know fatherhood from a hole in the ground. Asshole. Can't tell it from that either._ "I think you've got me mistaken, Arthur, for the negligent and blocked heap of trash parent and 'criminal' you are. You couldn't even come up with your own idea for a theme when you decided to get into crime. They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery, but it's an affront when it comes from an idiotic, simpering dolt such as yourself." My voice dropped low. "Especially a fool who doesn't think that threat we made to you doesn't still hold. We still have the books and the means."  
  
Arthur scowled and looked from Dee to me. "The worthless bitch is too fat to do anything to me now, Eddie. You just watch yourself and that whore of yours," he said showing more balls than I thought he had.  
  
Dee's hand stiffened on mine, as the man turned and started to walk away. He didn't get far before Harvey stuck his leg out and tripped him. The bar laughed uproariously as Arthur fell face first onto the floor. Jonathan and Harvey helped him up, brushing off the suit he wore. Harvey Dent and Jonathan Crane, our own personal bouncers.  
  
"Best to watch your step around here, Clueless," Jonathan said with a smirk. They dragged the man back over to us. "I think you had a slip of words there, my boy. An apology is in order, don't you think, Harvey?"  
  
"I don't have to apologize to that trampy slut!" Arthur snarled through clenched teeth.  
  
"Kitten, would you please go get me something to drink," I asked, giving her a small push in the direction of the bar.  
  
"Only if you're going to hit the ass," she said giving him a sour look as she rubbed the top of her belly.  
  
_That's my girl!_ Smiling at her, I said, "You know what I want, Q." She turned and walked to the bar. Without further hesitation, I turned back to Arthur who was tightly held by the grinning Scarecrow and Two Face. "An apology from you would have been so much wiser, Arthur. But you're not known for your brains, are you?"  
  
Twirling my cane I brought the heavy question mark handle down flat across his face. The blow broke his nose and split his forehead. His head lolled forward and his legs began to give out under him. Two Face grabbed a handful of his stringy blonde hair and pulled his head back.  
  
"Looks like someone had too much to drink tonight and ran himself into a light post." He leaned into the rolling eyes of Arthur, adding, "Such a shame." The two dragged Arthur across the bar, smashing him into one of the pillars before heading out of the club.  
  
Dee returned to my side and handed me a scotch and soda. She looked after the trio as she tucked her hand into the crook of my arm and sipped her juice. "You let him off too easily, Eddie. You always do that. I should've finished things when I had the chance."  
  
The ferocity of her words would have shocked me had it not been for the subject they were directed at. Ever since Dee and I had gotten together Arthur Brown had been nothing but trouble. Dee finally took the matter into her own hands and we gave him a warning. He was very lucky that I stopped her from killing him outright. I sipped my drink and let the subject drop. It was Christmas Eve and we were here to have a good time.  
  
Soon enough we were both engaged in conversation and separated with different groups. Ivy allowed Dee to spend most of the time sitting in her booth so she wouldn't tire out. For a while the evening was going well. Harvey and Jonathan told me they had stripped Arthur to his boxers, tied him up, and left him buried up to his neck in a snowdrift. From the grins on their faces, I was certain they had done more than that. Every once in a while I would see Dee as she made her way back and forth to the bathroom. All was fine till the Joker decided he needed to dance with her, catching her as she returned to her seat.  
  
"Get off me, Jack! That hurts!" she protested as he dragged her away from the booth and to her feet. He had pressed himself against her belly and her back arched in his arms at an awkward position.  
  
"Nonsense! This is exactly how Harley likes to be held when we dance!" He giggled as he swirled her around, knocking her into a table.  
  
"Let go of her, Jack!" I shouted at him, trying to release the grip he had on her.  
  
His hands only dug deeper into her flesh as he seized her tighter. She cried out in pain and partially shifted, trying to claw his arm before losing concentration and shifting back. Laughing even more, he grabbed her wrists and twisted her arms down to her sides. His tongue ran up her exposed neck where I had been kissing her earlier. "No wonder you like this one, Eddie! Feisty little feline! I'll bet you're just a scream in bed! What do you say, Ed? Wanna lend her to me so I can find out?"  
  
I smacked him hard on the back of the head with my cane then. Immediately he released Dee to cover his head, glancing up at the ceiling in confusion. I pulled Dee behind me and she gripped the back of my jacket, panting and shaking.  
  
"Ozzie! Your ceiling just hit me!" He shook his fist at the beams, and then looked back down. "Where'd she go? There she is! Come to Joker, kitty!"  
  
Jabbing the question mark into his chest, I gave him a fierce look and shook my head. "No. You leave her alone, Jack. Go find Harley if you want to dance." Why did I suddenly feel like George McFly standing up to Biff Tannen?  
  
The clown in question was poking her head out of Ivy's booth, her hands over her mouth as she watched wide-eyed. Pam stood outside of the foliage-covered booth tossing a pod up and down in one hand. Joker's wide grin melted into a sneer.  
  
"If I wanted to dance with Harley, I would have danced with Harley. I want to dance with the momma!" He tried to shove me aside, but I held my ground. "Move out of the way, Eddie, and let me have my dance!"  
  
"Puddin'? I'll dance with you if you want," Harley said, finally coming over and tugging on his sleeve.  
  
He scowled at her. Placing his hand over her face, he shoved her back and she fell to the ground with a squeak. "Pooh, what did I just say?"  
  
"That you wanted to dance with the momma," she said rubbing her bottom as she stood.  
  
"Who's the momma?"  
  
"Query's the momma, Puddin'." She scuffed her foot in front of her, before adding in a bright voice, "If I tie a bowl on my belly we could pretend that I was the momma!"  
  
The Joker turned and faced Harley, crooking his finger at her. With his attention drawn to Harley, I started backing off slowly, one hand holding Dee to my back. Jack's head snapped back to me and his hand shot out, grasping my tie, pulling me back to him. At the same instant, his other hand shot out and grabbed a chunk of Harley's hair.  
  
"Not so fast, Riddleboy. I'm not finished with you yet." He gave Harley a violent shake. "And you are _not_ the momma!" Sniggering he bopped her over the head with his fist. Once more she fell to the floor and Ivy rushed over to help her.  
  
"Jack, calm down now or I'll have you taken out of here," Penguin said coolly.  
  
Jack chose to ignore the proprietor and took my shirt in both his fists, shaking me. "You don't get it, do you, Eddie?"  
  
"No, I don't. Why is it so important that you dance with _my_ girlfriend?"  
  
"Because _I am Uncle Joker!_ I have more right than any man here to dance with her!" he said, shaking me harder.  
  
_Where the hell did he get his logic?!_ Trying to pull his hands off me, I choked, "No you don't! Get it through your thick skull, you halfwit! She is _my_ girlfriend and she is carrying _my_ child, not yours! You have _no_ right to her at all! The way you treat Harley, you shouldn't even have right to _her_!"  
  
He punched me then, splitting my lip open. "How dare you!" Grabbing my tie once more, he pushed the knot up tighter and tighter.  
  
Dee hammered on his arm. "Let go of him, you bastard!" she screamed.  
  
I wish she hadn't tried to help out just then. He twisted my tie around and pulled it above my head like a hangman's noose. I clawed at his hand as I watched him reach out and shove her the same way he had pushed Harley the first time. Luckily Ivy was ready and caught her before she could completely lose her balance. Penguin's men finally came rushing in and grabbed a hold of the snarling clown. It took four of them to pin his arms down and get him to release his grip on me. I collapsed to the floor, doubling over in a coughing fit as I loosened my tie. So dazed was I that I didn't see the tip of Joker's black shoe come up, clipping me hard under the chin and sending me sprawling onto my back. With a distraught cry Dee hurried over to me, falling to her knees.  
  
"I'll gut you for this, Eddie! I'll gut you, the kitty, and your little question mark! Just you wait!" shouted Jack as he was taken out of the bar.  
  
"Oh, Eddie!" Dee pulled my head into her lap and stroked my hair. She pressed my handkerchief to my lip, wiping up the blood. "I'm sorry, Tiger. I'm so sorry for this. I should have just danced with him," she whispered.  
  
"You did right, Kitten. Are you ok?" I asked taking her hand.  
  
She nodded, fighting back tears. "I thought I was going to lose you." Bending over, she softly kissed my aching lips.  
  
"Need some help up, Ed?" asked Harvey.  
  
"In a minute. Let me get my breath back." Lying there, I thought about what Jack had just said. He would come after us if he wanted. I hoped that like most everything that angered him, he would completely forget this the second he saw something shiny.   
  



	8. Christmas Chinese Style

  
  
After the mad clown had effectively ruined the night, Dee and I went home. She took care of my wounds, kissing my face and apologizing for something that was not her fault. The Joker had been getting worse and worse each time he saw us. Still, Dee had wanted to go to the party. With the way she was apologizing, I had a feeling that she had done it more for me than for her. I ran her a hot bath to soothe the ache of her body from the Joker's rough handling. As she soaked, I massaged her back and neck. When she was done, I took a shower to ease my own aching muscles.  
  
Christmas Day was far better. After spending the morning alone and exchanging gifts, we headed over to Manchu's. I appreciated Dee's "family" more than anything now. We had been invited to have Christmas dinner with them. Even if Manchu and Jiaoshu insisted on trying to get me drunk nearly every time I was left alone with them, they never tried to kill me. Sure, there had been the threats against me long ago should I ever hurt Dee, but now I had been accepted as a member of the family.  
  
The near strangulation from my tie the night before had left a bruise around my neck. Dee pulled out the Chinese suit I had been given, insisting I wear it. The Mandarin collar hid the contusion and the cool softness of the silk actually made it feel better. As we were staying the night, Dee graciously told me that she would allow me to have whatever I wanted to drink, even saying that I could get myself drunk if I pleased.  
  
Most of the night I watched as the women doted on Manchu and Chu's children. Yin Tao was the youngest at only ten months old. Jun was the oldest at two. Dee had warmed up to the babies and I felt my heart swell with pride at the way she looked holding them. However, I had to protest when Chu came over and plunked the youngest down in my arm.  
  
"Oh, no. Chu, take her back!" I said, standing to hand the baby back to her. Giggling, she danced away from me and back to her husband. "Manchu, take your daughter back before I do something stupid and drop her!"  
  
"That's about what Dee looked like when she first held a baby. You need to panic a little more and it'll be perfect!" he laughed.  
  
Dee held Jun balanced on her hip. She smiled at me as she bounced the boy who went into a fit of giggles. As if that were her cue, Yin broke into a squall, stretching her little body out in my hands.  
  
"Yes! That's more like it, Eddie! That is _exactly_ how she looked when she first had a baby in her arms!"  
  
Handing Jun over to Chu, Dee came to me and adjusted my hold on the child. "Hold her to your chest. Let her hear your heartbeat." She watched my face as I did what she said.  
  
Yin Tao pulled her limbs in as I pressed her to my chest. She took a moment, but she stopped in mid cry and settled down. Dee's arm went under my jacket and across the bare skin of my back, stroking it in approval. Amazed, I caressed the soft cheek of the little girl. A flash went off and the two of us looked up, surprised looks on our face as the flash went off again. Jiaoshu laughed heartily as he lowered the camera and quickly hobbled out of the room. _Wiley old man!_ I loved him.  
  
Before we went to bed, Dee told me she was going to the bathing pool to float around while no one else was using it. Letting her go down alone, I quickly gathered my towel and pulled my own robe on. The rest of the house was silent since most everyone had gone to bed already. Wasting little time I hurried to the women's bathing pool only to run smack into Li Mei.  
  
"Where do you think you are going, young man?" she asked sternly.  
  
"I was just..."  
  
"I'm certain you were. The men's bathing pool is around the other side." Her index finger jabbed me hard in the chest as she grinned slyly up at me. "But she is alone and waiting for you, foolish boy. If you don't hurry and go to her I will call the guards and force you to be with her."  
  
The woman was as mad as Jiaoshu. And both could pull the wool over my eyes like no one else. "Go to your man, old woman," I laughed shaking my head. "If you don't hurry to him, you two might forget one another in your old age."  
  
"Smartass," she smirked as she headed up the stairs.  
  
As it was winter, the bathing pools had been covered with a pavilion tenting to keep the snow off. The benefit was that the steamy waters heated the now enclosed area to a comfortable temperature.  
  
"About time you showed up," Dee said, floating at the edge of the pool on her stomach. Not being able to see her stomach, I was surprised at how her face had rounded out from what it had been. Her petite frame looked much the same as before the pregnancy the way she floated now, only softer and rounder.  
  
"How did you know I was coming?"  
  
"Oh please! Why do you think I told you that no one else would be down here?" She bit down on the tip of her finger, smiling as she watched me disrobe. "Li Mei was just on her way up from the kitchen and I told her to stop you," she giggled as I joined her in the warm water.  
  
"You damn woman! She nearly gave me a heart attack."  
  
Dee pushed herself over to me in what would have been a pounce on dry land. Her lips went immediately to mine, kissing me passionately. My lip was still sore from the night before, but at that moment I couldn't feel the pain of the cut. All I felt was the electricity of her kiss. The water made her as agile as she had been before she was pregnant and she was using it to her full advantage.  
  
_Best Christmas, ever,_ I thought to myself as I held her low in the shallow water.  
  
The calamitous events at the Iceberg dimmed and faded that night. We went to bed happy and looking forward to the rest of the year. We didn't even have to talk to each other to know that the Iceberg's New Year's party was out of the question. I had no want or need to go and be around any of my own friends and let what had happened happen again. Dee didn't need the stress and I didn't need to come that close to being killed again.  
  
New Year's Eve was quiet and spent on the roof of the warehouse. There we watched the stars and fireworks that exploded over the city. We toasted in the New Year with sparkling apple cider and chocolate covered strawberries, laughing as we talked about some of the things we had done at this time last year. The fact that we were blowing open a bank vault and fighting a losing battle to Batman seemed a million years away. That whole life seemed like a dream.   
  



	9. Baby Shower

  
  
Out of all the months of her pregnancy, the last was the worst. The closer she got to the nine-month mark, the more emotional she got. Too many times I found myself getting called by Chu Hua to come pick Dee up because she was too upset to drive home. Two weeks before her due date was the last time I picked her up. She had taken herself in her car, a vintage 1938 black Mariah panel van we had customized for her years ago, and once more had become upset.  
  
"Why did you bring them?" I asked as I half carried her out to my car, the three tigers strung out behind us.  
  
"You told me not to drive alone!" she sobbed into my jacket. "No! We have to take my car! They won't fit in there!"  
  
I frowned as she tugged at my lapels, trying to get me to take her over to her car. "Dee, I'll come back for them, ok? And when I said not to drive alone, I did _not_ mean to drive with a bunch of felines. I meant to drive with a human who could take you to the hospital if you needed it. What are they going to do if you go into labor?"  
  
"Keep me company?" she asked hesitantly, plucking at my tie.  
  
"No more, Dee. That's the last time you drive yourself anywhere. Either they pick you up, or you come to me for a ride, understand?" I said sternly, shaking a finger at her.  
  
"Yes, Eddie," she sighed, sitting back in the seat as I buckled her in.  
  
Waving the cats back into the courtyard, I apologized to Manchu and Chu Hua asking if it would be all right if I came back for them in an hour. Manchu graciously offered to follow me back with Dee's car so she could have her pets with her. Thanking him, I passed the keys over.  
  
"So what was it this time that set her off?" I asked as we loaded the tigers.  
  
"First it was her tea, followed by her dropping some steamed buns she was making. In the end she just waddled up to her room and curled into a ball on her bed. Chu said she's worried she isn't going to be a good mother."  
  
"What's your opinion on that?" I secured the doors and leaned against them. Waddled? Dee didn't waddle, even if she did looked like she had swallowed a basketball! She still had that combination of deadly martial artist/playful feline sway in her hips.  
  
"I think she's going to be fine. She knows how to take care of people very well. Our kids love her. And despite her spiky exterior, she's got a good and gentle heart. You really should talk to her about this. I don't think it's the first time she's broken down over it. Just the first time she's done so around others," he said.  
  
I nodded.  
  
"You'd best get back to her before she decides that you hate her. They do that if you leave them alone for too long at this stage." He grinned and patted my shoulder. "But she most likely has a good reason to."  
  
"Ha ha. We still on for next week?" I asked. Chu was planning a surprise baby shower for Dee and I was going to be spending the time with Manchu and some other Triad members. This time I was going to be certain not to join them in too many toasts should they bring those damn stoneware bottles out.  
  
"Yes." He gave me a mischievous grin, as he added, "We've had the erguotou ready to go for a week now. A very fine batch, if I do say so myself."  
  
"Great. I'll see you at the warehouse," I said, opening my door. "Did you want anything before we head back?"  
  
She shook her head and nuzzled against my shoulder. "I just want to sleep," she said.  
  
While Manchu let the tigers out of the van, I took Dee and put her to bed. She begged me to nap with her, starting to cry when I told her I needed to finish something first.  
  
"Alright, alright. Just give me a few minutes to thank Manchu for bringing your car and your tigers back, and see if he needs a ride home, ok?"  
  
Her silent sulking was all the answer I got as I backed out of the room. I offered Manchu a ride back, but he said he would take the subway. Thanking him once more, I called down the hall to Dee to see if she wanted me to bring her some juice or water. There was no answer. Wondering if she had fallen asleep in the time it had taken me to say goodbye to Manchu, I quietly went back down the hall. She was wrapped around her body pillow, face red from crying. Grabbing the tissues off the nightstand, I sat her up and wiped her nose.  
  
"What's the matter, Kitten? Dee? C'mon and talk to me," I said when she refused to look at me. Tipping her chin up, I dabbed the tears off her cheeks. "What's going through your mind, doll?"  
  
"You hate me."  
  
Manchu was right. Ah, the roller coaster of emotion that was my expectant girlfriend! "Why do I hate you?"  
  
"Because!" she sobbed, bursting into fresh tears. "I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm all gross, and I'm swollen! I disgust you! You don't love me anymore."  
  
I sighed and pulled her into my arms. "On the contrary, Q-doll, I find you even more beautiful than before. And I love you even more than before, if that's possible. Why do you think that I don't?" I asked her, stroking her cheeks with my thumbs.  
  
"You never want to touch me or make love to me anymore," she sniffed.  
  
"Again, not true. I do, but I'm afraid of how you'll react when I do anything. The few times I tried to start anything, you got mad at me. You're still as attractive to me as the first day I saw you," I said, nuzzling her ear.  
  
"Really?" she asked pushing back. She held on to my arms as I looked into her puffy eyes. "You still want me?"  
  
"Really." I kissed her softly on the eyes. The tang of her salty tears spread across my tongue as I licked my lips. "Do me a favor, ok? Get some sleep right now. I'll order something for dinner and we'll make it a special night tonight. Does that sound good to you?"  
  
Hugging me tightly, she nodded against my chest. "May I have a cookie, please?"  
  
I chuckled. "Yes. But you have to promise to nap after you finish it," I said.  
  
"Promise," she said, raising herself enough to kiss me.  
  
As we kissed, I could feel her need expressed in the way her tongue lightly stroked mine. She clung to me as we parted, the look on her face obviously wanting more right now. While I was more than willing to give her what she wanted at the moment, I knew she was tired and would enjoy things more after a nap. Lowering her to bed, I ran my hand over her belly before I went to get her snack. She smiled and nestled down in the blankets, watching as I left the room.  
  
Things were awkward later that night to say the least. Dee's belly was quite the obstacle to overcome, having become larger since the last time we had made love. I had to reassure her over and over that I thought her body looked beautiful to me. It was no lie and if my attentions that night didn't prove it to her, nothing would. Something about her being pregnant and having that round belly made me feel even more aroused. After some hit and miss, we finally found a position that was not only comfortable for both of us, but gave us both pleasure. She was vocal in what touches were and were not pleasant to her and I complied. It was soon evident that though she was far along in the third trimester, her appetite for sexual pleasure had not died.  
  
"Thank you, Tiger," she said once she had been sated. "I've been wanting that for so long now."  
  
"So have I. I just worried you didn't want me anymore," I murmured, kissing her sweaty neck as we cuddled together. "And I was worried that if I pushed to do this, I might hurt you."  
  
"I'll always want you, Edward."  
  
Kissing and nuzzling my hand, she purred happily. She had giggled contentedly as we made love. Only now I realized that I hadn't heard either of these wonderful sounds from her for over a month. Her purring cut off suddenly and she struggled to sit up.  
  
"Help me up! I have to get to the bathroom!" she cried.  
  
Getting her up, I watched in amusement as she hurried to relieve herself. When she came back, I laughed outright at the sight of her cloaked in question marked leopard fur, tail swishing behind her as she shook her finger at her belly.  
  
"Your father and I were enjoying ourselves and you had to go sit on my bladder! You naughty little thing!" As quickly as she could, she got back under the covers. "It's freezing out there too!" she said, teeth chattering as she pulled my arms back around herself. Wiggling down into the curve of my body, she made herself snug. Soon enough, she had fallen asleep.  
  


~ ~ ~

  
  
The next week I drove Dee to see Chu Hua on the premise that Chu was taking Dee out for a special day. Chu had told Dee to wear a dress because she was taking her to a nice restaurant for lunch. How true that was, I had no idea. All I knew was that the empire waist dress Dee displayed for me had me kissing her eagerly and damning the fact that I had promised to have her over by eleven in the morning. She would have killed me if I had wrinkled her dress anyway. I was very glad when she covered herself with her long wool overcoat and told me to hurry so she wouldn't be late.  
  
Dee started crying when Chu led her into the main hall, where she saw many of her female friends waiting for her with gifts and a banner wishing her well. I watched from the doorway, knowing she was in good hands, nevertheless wanting to stay with her. Manchu tugged my sleeve and took me off to another room where there was a gathering of men. I had barely set foot in the room when a cup of erguotou was shoved in my hand and I found myself drinking toasts with the fiery liquid.  
  
At some point they took me down the street to a bar and gave me more liquor. I pushed off what I could, doing my best to watch what I drank. Once they had decided I had enough to drink there, they shuffled me off to a restaurant for food. Let me tell you that being a tall white man in a crowd of shorter Chinese men is unnerving. Especially when all the men are trained fighters and assassins for the Jade Tiger Triad. The looks I got from the wait staff as I drunkenly fumbled with my chopsticks, ranged from amused to curious.  
  
"He's going to be the daddy of my sister's child," Manchu explained proudly, thumping me on the back. He beamed at the waiter who chortled at whatever Manchu added in Chinese. I wondered if they knew that Manchu's "sister" was white just like me.  
  
"You guys are all trying to get me killed, I just know it," I mumbled, shoveling rice into my mouth. The food was helping and I ate as much as I could, hoping to dull the effects of the moonshine, scotch, bourbon, and vodka. Just the thought of all I had to drink was making me sick.  
  
"She has you henpecked," said Chun, one of Dee's old classmates. "You should stand up and tell her that you'll get drunk whenever you please!"  
  
Knowing what I did about Chun, I scoffed at his suggestion. Both Dee and Manchu had told me stories about him and his thoughts on how to treat a woman. The fact that he used to spy on Dee when she was bathing made me dislike him before I'd even met him. Admittedly, there had been a few times before we had become lovers that I had tried to catch a glimpse of her getting in or out of the bath. The difference was that I was her boyfriend and Chun was just a horny boy.  
  
"I'll do that, Chun. When she kicks me out onto the couch, I'll tell her that I took the advice from you. She'll personally come to thank you for giving it to me," I said, letting him subtly know that I knew about all the times she had beaten him up for grabbing or spying on her.  
  
The other men at the table laughed at this. Apparently Chun getting his ass repeatedly kicked by Dee was common knowledge. Chun grumbled and turned his attention back to his food. By the time they decided to go back to Manchu's house, it was almost five. I was worried about Dee and how she was doing. She tired out so quickly now that I was anxious to make certain she was ok. My concern only increased when we were told that the women hadn't come back yet.  
  
"Cheer up, Eddie. You're going to be a father," Manchu said, patting me on the back. It was now just the two of us in his study.  
  
"I'm just worried about Dee, that's all. Any idea where they went?" On wobbly legs I paced the room, glancing back and forth at my watch.  
  
He tapped my breast pocket, reminding me of my comm-unit. "You can always check up on her. But why don't you stop worrying for one day? Chu would call immediately if anything was wrong. You'll have plenty to worry about in a couple of weeks," he said, pressing a glass into my hand. "Like the fact that you haven't even decided on a name for the child."  
  
I gulped. "Thanks. That didn't help at all." Without looking, I drank the contents of the glass. It was more erguotou. Grimacing, I gave him the cup back. "Stop with the alcohol! I'm already too drunk to drive!" I snarled swaying slightly.  
  
"Easy. I'm just trying to give you one final day of irresponsibility before you have to buckle down. You'll thank me for it later."  
  
"No, I won't. You know how she feels about being drunk? It's worse now." Scrubbing my hands through my hair and over my face, I stopped dead in the middle of the room. "I'm going to go lay down for a while. Maybe see if I can get a hold of Dee."  
  
Manchu only nodded and let me leave the room. I made my way up to Dee's room and sprawled out on her bed. The painted ceiling spun and dipped slowly above me, clockwise, as the bed spun counterclockwise. I felt like I was on NASA's gyro ride. This was not a good sign. Loosening my collar, I closed my eyes and swallowed slowly. When I opened them next, the room was completely dark and I could hear Dee breathing next to me.  
  
Sitting up, I grabbed a hold of my head as the erguotou headache exploded through it. A piece of paper fluttered off my chest and I groped to find it in the dark. Reaching over, I turned the light on and was surprised to find a tray of cold food there. The paper turned out to be a note from Dee who continued to sleep despite the noise I made.  
  
_"Idiot. How many times do I have to tell you not to trust Manchu? You went and trusted a room full of them! You're all idiots! Eat everything on that tray and get your ass back to bed before I wake up and shove those dumplings up your nose for being so stupid!  
  
Love you."_  
  
"Right," I grumbled softly dropping the note onto the tray. She certainly knew what I hated most and knew when to use it. Struggling to my feet, I tried my best to leave the room quietly. After relieving myself and washing the sour taste out of my mouth, I returned to find the note on my pillow. I cringed, expecting her to turn over and make good on that threat. Instead, she had written something else.  
  
_"Sorry for calling you an idiot. But you knew about the erguotou this time and you still got yourself drunk. Just eat and go back to sleep, Tiger. ...And give me a kiss."_  
  
"What if I don't want to?" I asked.  
  
"You'll find those dumplings up your nose," she said.  
  
Straddling my arms across her, I looked down at her smirking face. "I suppose it would be in my best interest to kiss you then."  
  
"It'd be in your bestest interest if you did more," Dee hinted with a twinkle in her eye.  
  
"So should I kiss you, eat, or do the 'more' first?" I laughed quietly.  
  
"Start with the kiss and the more. You can eat once I've had my fill," she whispered lustily, grabbing a fistful of my shirt and dragging me down.   
  



	10. Second Thoughts

  
  
"What about 'Ephraim' if it's a boy?" asked Dee as she slouched in my favorite chair in the study. She idly rubbed her belly as she glanced at me from behind the name book she held. "Though from the way it's kicking, it might just be a girl," she added with a smirk.  
  
Pointedly ignoring her jib, I said, "'Ephraim'?"  
  
"I could go back to looking through the crossword dictionary for names that coincide with anything having to do with puzzles."  
  
"No, no. I got you that book so you would stop doing that. I am not naming a child 'Riddle'. I don't care if that was Hoffa's middle name."  
  
"'Sphinx' is still a nice name. If we have a girl, can we name her Sphinx? And I think it'd be adorable to have a little boy named Riddle!" She gave me a cockeyed smile. "You know you'd love it."  
  
"I would. But we have to consider the child's future. You still don't like your given name."  
  
"Because it was given to me in a derogatory fashion. Stop using that argument with me."  
  
"You could always change your last name to Nigma. You've been thinking about it anyway," I said.  
  
"Yeah, that'll go over real well at PTA meetings. 'Hi, I'm Dee Nigma. This is my boyfriend, Eddie Nigma.' 'You have his last name, but you're not married?' 'Yes.' 'Why?'" She stared at me pointedly.  
  
"It isn't as weird as you think. Stop being so dramatic and just change it already! If you don't I'll ask you to marry me just to change it and end this."  
  
"I'll think about it. Now back to the baby." She pulled picked up the little notebook on the table next to her. "My choices for a girl: Aida, Enid, Ethel, Kit, Moira, Pandora, and Sphinx. I'm still considering it."  
  
"We'll see. What have you got for boy's names?"  
  
"Those are harder," she said with a frown. "Ephraim, Erasmus, Ezra, Jaxom, Kale, Riddle, and Talmor. I'm almost tempted to toss the whole list and wait till the kid is here to name it."  
  
I shrugged. "If you want to do that, we can. Just keep your list though. Want me to get another book for you?"  
  
She shook her head and waved me over to her. I pulled her up from my chair. "Your child is being difficult. If it loved me, it would stop sitting on my bladder. Do me a favor and order some Greek food tonight, would you, sweetie?"  
  
"Sure. And why don't you take a nap. You look tired."  
  
"I'm always tired lately. You look tired to. Come see me in an hour and I'll give you a massage, ok?"  
  
I nodded and she left. I was exhausted. With her getting up and down all night to go to the bathroom or get a snack, how could I really sleep? Collapsing in the chair she had vacated, I made myself comfortable and took my own nap.  
  


~ ~ ~

  
  
"Dee!" I called out from my study a few days later.  
  
"What is it, Eddie?" she asked, wandering in with a bowl of something in her hand. Her mood was a lot better since we had cleared up the whole sex issue. Having her happier was a big plus.  
  
"The Bobsey Twins want to give you a baby shower," I grinned. "Pam just sent me an email and wants to know when they can get you down to the Iceberg for 'an intimate gathering of womanly magnificence,' as she put it."  
  
"That woman can be too much at times. I appreciate the salves and tea she's given me, but really," she sighed licking her spoon.  
  
I shivered at the sight, feeling her tongue ghost up my throat as it had done only last night. Quickly, I turned my eyes back to the computer screen. "Apparently they'd like to get you down there in the next couple of days. I'll take you if you want to go. You can tell them you can't stay but a couple hours at most. It's true enough. And it as much as I hate to be the one saying this, it wouldn't be a bad idea to appease Pam on this one with all she's done for us."  
  
"You're right, of course. Tell them I'll come down for a couple of hours. They can pick the day and time. Make certain you tell them that I'm not going to run around town with them. I'm too pregnant and tired for that."  
  
Typing her message out, I checked to see if she wanted to add anything else. She didn't, so I hit send. Ten minutes later I had a reply telling me to bring her down the next day at seven for a "goddesses only" dinner. Dee rolled her eyes and pushed herself out of the chair. Waving her spoon at me she started to say something and stopped, her eyes going wide.  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
Clutching her belly, she dropped the bowl onto my desk. "I think I just had a contraction."  
  
The contraction turned out to be nothing but a twinge as a second one never came. A twinge or indigestion, I thought after inspecting the contents of the bowl. Rice, chocolate syrup, teriyaki sauce, and a touch of mayonnaise. Still, I made her go lay down and rest. I stayed with her, hardly having much choice with the death grip she kept on my arm. When she seemed to calm down and I figured she was asleep, I released her grip on my arm and started to get up.  
  
"Where are you going?" she said sounding drowsy.  
  
"I have some work to finish. It shouldn't take me long," I replied stroking her hair.  
  
She nodded. "Come back when you're finished?"  
  
"Of course." I kissed her cheek and covered her with a blanket. "Get some rest."  
  
Back in my study, I quickly returned the emails that were important enough, leaving the rest for later. Things were going so well with the company I had started. More than half of the stock of my private line had sold out during the holidays. Even now at the end of January, we were still trying to catch up with backorders on some items. The one hideout I had that had been a run down factory was now my personal puzzle factory. One of the most popular items we had were the jigsaw puzzles with pictures of Dee's tigers on them. The fact that they were so popular pleased her to no end. With a sigh I hit send on the last email, authorizing the production of more of those jigsaws. A blood-curdling scream launched me out of my chair and running into the bedroom.  
  
"What? What is it? What happened?" I asked anxiously as I rushed over to her side.  
  
Dee was struggling to sit up, tears streaming down her face and trembling badly. The second I was next to her, she threw herself forward taking a hold of my arms. Her shaking was so bad and she was crying so hard, I could do nothing other than rock her in an attempt to calm her down.  
  
"He was here!" she finally bawled.  
  
"Who was? Who was here?" I looked around, tightening my hold on her.  
  
"Joker! H-he..." Her head fell back onto my chest as her arms wrapped possessively around me. I thought she would crack my ribs with the force of her hold. Eyes streaming tears, she looked up at me and touched my mouth. "It's gone. It's gone," she mumbled.  
  
Then I realized she must have been having a bad dream. "Q-doll, whatever it was, it was only a dream."  
  
"But I saw him! He Smilexed you in front of me and made you watch as he cut the baby out of me! He killed our baby!"  
  
"Dee! Stop this! Look, you're fine! There is no blood. The baby is still inside you! I'm fine. It was just a nightmare!" I said pressing my hands to her face. I couldn't help but shudder at the image she had just put in my mind. The possibility of something like that happening was too real when that psychotic clown was involved, and this was not her first nightmare with him in it. Reclining her back against me, I held her hands and whispered soft words of my love to her.  
  
"Eddie, what if I end up like my mother? What if..." she began once she had calmed down.  
  
_From one worry to another._ "You won't end up like her. You wanted this child and you've been a very good mother so far. I don't see that changing anytime soon. Why would you even begin to think that you could be like the woman who gave birth to you? No matter what, she was hardly your mother, Kitten. For another thing, she didn't raise you. Li Mei did. You take after her and Jiaoshu more than anything."  
  
"But..."  
  
"No. No buts. You are not your mother. And for all we know, if you did take after one of your biological parents, you could take after your father."  
  
"My mother was most likely a prostitute, Eddie. My father was most likely just some random john who knocked her up," she said with an edge of anger.  
  
"It doesn't matter. Either way, all our parents did was contribute the material to make us. We're better than that and we know it. That's what makes us who we are. Now stop crying and let me see those beautiful eyes without the tears." Thumbing away her tears, I kissed her softly and held her tightly once more.  
  
Eventually she fell asleep, having exhausted herself in her hysterics. I stayed with her for a while, holding her as she slept. After her dream, I was having second thoughts about letting her go to that baby shower. I thought about emailing Pam and calling it off, but I knew that this might be the last time Dee really got out of the house for a while. Tipping my head back into the pillows, I joined Dee in her nap.   
  



	11. Worshipping the Mother Goddess

  
  
Poison Ivy's booth and part of the bar at the Iceberg Lounge were decorated with what looked like high school banners announcing a football game. "Go Query! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!" "Push! Push! Push the baby home!" and "Yay, Query! Go, Mama! Go mama!" the signs read. Obviously Harley had found a roll of butcher paper and paintbrushes. A sign on the outside of Ivy's booth read, "Place offerings to the Goddess Query here." Under the sign was a stack of pink and blue wrapped gifts of various shapes and sizes. Dee winced at this as I helped her down the few stairs into the bar.  
  
"Two hours, Eddie. Two," she griped quietly to me.  
  
"Q! Ya made it! Look at you! Boy, you look like you swallowed a beach ball!" Harley said, bouncing over to us.  
  
Dee's fingers bit into my arm as she cast a wary glance around for the Joker. Thankfully the clown was nowhere in sight. "Harl, it's good to see you too." She let go of my arm and stood on tiptoe, kissing my cheek. "Go have a couple drinks, Eddie. I'll be ok."  
  
I watched as she carefully fitted herself into the seat that had been placed at the outer edge of the table for her. The living curtain of vines closed over her and the chatter of female voices started up. The word 'marriage' drifted out. Frowning, I turned and walked over to the bar. Almost immediately she leaned back out along with Pam, Harley, Selina, and Roxy.  
  
"Eddie?"  
  
"Yes?" I asked.  
  
"Ooo-ee-sha-sha-coo-coo-yeah?"  
  
I nodded and smiled. "Ooo-ee-sha-sha-coo-coo-yeah, Q."  
  
"Told you so," she said as she disappeared again.  
  
"Excited, Eddie?" Harvey said when I sat down next to him.  
  
"I've barely had time to think about it," I lied. I was really excited. Dee's due date was coming up fast. "I suppose I am."  
  
"Look at you. Retired and gone straight. I never thought I'd see the day," Penguin said, waddling up to the bar. "How does it feel to be running a successful, legitimate business?"  
  
"Excellent! We don't have to worry about money or anything. Hard not to think about some of the jobs I could have pulled in the past few months though," I sighed. That was the one thing that continued to bother me and made me feel guilty. I missed the excitement and action of a night of crime. Batman had been right though that last night. I had responsibilities now and I couldn't do that.  
  
"That's a shame, Eddie. We heard there was a special showing of antique puzzles coming to town next month. Very rare," Jonathan said, sliding into a seat. He grinned at me in a way that sent a chill up my spine.  
  
"Yes, I know. I heard all about it. Russian and Middle Eastern, fourteenth century." The note of bitterness in my voice surprised me.  
  
"So what's stopping you? She'll have had the kid by then," Two Face said.  
  
"Yeah. It isn't like she'll realize you're gone before it's too late anyway. She'll be so busy with the kid, she won't have time for you." Jonathan pushed a scotch at me. I eyed it warily as he said, "What do you have to be afraid of?"  
  
What did I have to be afraid of? Losing everything I had worked so hard for in the past few months, for one thing. Dee. I could lose Dee. She'd leave me if I took another job, I was certain of it. Leave me, cut me out of her life for good, and never let me see her or the kid ever again. The Triad would make certain she disappeared without a trace.  
  
"Hey, puzzle boy, wake up," Two Face said, punching me on the shoulder.  
  
"Sorry, I was just thinking," I said, shaking myself out of my thoughts. Calling the bartender over, I ordered some food and drink, blatantly ignoring the scotch Jonathan had offered me. From the way he was acting, he had probably laced it with something.  
  
"I could have those items acquired for you, Edward. For a fee, of course," Penguin offered.  
  
Of course he could. But the point of obtaining the goods on my own was part of the reason the items meant something to me. In the future I could look at them, remember the good times I had, and have a good story to go along with them. What fun was it to point to something and say, "See that? I bought that." Ooo. Exciting.  
  
"Thanks, Oswald, but I think I'll let the puzzles be," I said, tipping back a shot of whiskey.  
  
"Now you're starting to worry us," grumbled Two Face. His bulging eye looked at me before rolling up. "Domesticated."  
  
"It's respect, Harv. She's losing out on this too when it comes down to jobs. Do you think I would let her go out ever again now?" I shook my head. "Think back to Gilda. You loved her and you cared for her. Had she done what Dee did, you wouldn't let her go back out there either."  
  
My food came and I ate in silence, while Harvey spun his coin across the backs of his fingers. Brushing the breadcrumbs off my suit front, I looked at the other two. They sat quietly sipping drinks. Jonathan was still trying to push the scotch on me. I finally had the bartender take it away and bring me a Coke.  
  
"You're right," Harvey finally said. "I wouldn't have let Gilda go back out there. If either one of you had someone you loved, you wouldn't allow it either. I'm proud of you, Eddie. It takes balls to do what you're doing."  
  
Grunts came from Oswald and Jonathan. They didn't get a chance to say anything as the voice I feared to hear filled the bar.  
  
"I heard there was a party going on here tonight. And it looks like it's true! Forgive me for being late, but I just didn't have a thing to wear!"  
  
"Oh shit," I said, practically knocking my chair over as I got to my feet. "What the hell is he doing here?"  
  
"It's 'Just Jack'," Jonathan said framing his face and laughing.  
  
I threw a severe glare at him, shutting him up instantly. The Joker came down the stairs, looking like a preening peacock. Throwing his arms wide when he saw me, he pulled me into a hug. I went rigid with anger that he had the nerve to show up.  
  
"What's the matter, daddy? You look grumpy!" Clapping and rubbing his hands together, he looked around. "Where's mommy dearest?"  
  
"Leave her alone, Jack," I finally said.  
  
"Puddin'! We're over here!" called Harley, leaning out of the vines.  
  
_Stupid bitch! I snarled to myself._  
  
Dee suddenly pushed through the vines in a hurry. Her form wavered between half feline and human. I could tell she was scared, but her fear was overpowered by the anger she showed. Finally her shifting stopped and she remained human. The stance she took was reminiscent of one she used to take when she was about to attack, thrown off only by her bulging belly.  
  
"There she is! Come and let Uncle Joker give you a hug!" he said walking toward her.  
  
"Back off!" she hissed.  
  
"Quer, it's just Mr. J," Harley said stepping out of the booth. Ivy, Selina, and Roxy joined her. I was happy to see that Harley was the only woman pleased at the appearance of the Joker. "She's just teasin', Mr. J!"  
  
"No, I'm not. Stay the fuck away from me!" she growled pulling a gun from the jacket she wore. She pointed it straight at him, holding the weapon with both hands.  
  
_Oh shit, oh shit! When did she take that from me?!_ I thought in alarm. I had locked all of my guns in the safe a couple months ago at her insistence. No matter that I had one on me tonight anyway, but I hadn't even noticed the other one missing when I took mine. Though I had taught her to handle firearms, she still wasn't very good with them.  
  
The look on the Joker's face turned from good to bad. His grin got wider and his eyes darker. "What's the matter, pussycat? You look as grumpy as daddy here. Eddie, control your woman or I will," he said turning to me.  
  
"No, Jack," I said pulling out my own gun. I leveled it at his head. "You're not wanted here tonight. Please leave."  
  
Silence had fallen over the bar. While I kept my eyes on the Joker, I could see Penguin's men gathering at the edge of the bar. Pam and Roxy had restrained Harley who was attempting to get to Dee. Selina took a couple steps away from the struggling three and watched with cool eyes from behind Dee. I was aware that Penguin, Harvey, and Jonathan were standing behind me.  
  
"Q! What's your problem! Puddin' only wants to say hello to you!"  
  
"Stay out of this, Harley," Selina said. "Jack, I think you should leave. You're obviously putting stress on Dee that she doesn't need right now."  
  
"Stress? I'm the funny one here! I relieve stress!" he chortled, taking a step toward Dee.  
  
She fired a warning shot at him, her face contorting into pure hatred. "Take one more step and I swear to Buddha I will blow your fucking head off!"  
  
Harley shrieked and tried to leap at Dee. "No! Don't shoot my Puddin'!"  
  
Roxy and Ivy held the clown girl firmly, telling her to calm down. Dee looked ready just to shoot Joker on principle. He hadn't even flinched at the bullet whizzing past him. Instead he laughed, grabbed the flower on his lapel, and squirted acid at her.  
  
Infuriated as Dee almost fell over getting out of the way, I shot him. I could have killed him right then and there, but for some reason I let my aim drop and shot the flower off his lapel, and then shot him in the arm. Before the report of my gun died, Harvey tackled Joker to the ground and punched the clown in the face. His nose gushed blood as he cackled, trying to shove Harvey off. The bouncers surrounded the clown, hauling the ex-DA off and back as they shocked the clown with taser guns. Harley went hysterical then and broke free.  
  
"Look what you made them do to my Puddin'!" she screeched in Dee's face, tears streaming down her own face.  
  
The fight went out of Dee then. Selina hurried to Dee's side and took the gun from her. Dee now sank into the seat Ivy pushed under her, one hand across her belly, the other shielding her eyes as she cried. Pam put her arm around Harley and led the furious clown back to the booth. As I hurried over to Dee, I put my gun away.  
  
"Blow your nose," I said softly handing her my handkerchief. She took it and pressed it to her eyes. "Thanks, Selina," I added as the woman rubbed Dee's back.  
  
"Sure, Eddie," she said handing me Dee's gun.  
  
She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around my waist and putting her head on my stomach. I shook my head as I lay my hand on Dee's head.  
  
"I'm sorry about that, Oswald," I said when the man waddled up to us. He looked upset, and who could blame him? The polished wood floor of the bar was bubbling with acid, half his customers had been scared off by the scene and gunshots, and now he had to deal with an unconscious Joker. "I'll pay for the damages."  
  
He shook his head. "Jack will be paying for them. I thought he had given up going after her. Has he been bothering you at home?"  
  
Dee's crying had settled down now and she pinched my back under my jacket. I knew she was telling me not to say anything about her nightmares. "No, he hasn't. And he obviously hasn't forgotten about her. We were hoping he wouldn't show up today."  
  
"I'm sorry he ruined your party, Dee," Penguin said.  
  
"I think he's jealous. Probably been kicked in his shriveled dick one too many times by Batman and now he can't get it up, let alone hope to get Harley pregnant," added Selina with a smirk.  
  
Dee giggled against my stomach before sighing and looking up at me. "Can we go home, Eddie?"  
  
"Sure, Kitten. We can go home." I helped her up and found her overcoat in the booth with Pam and Harley. "Thanks for giving her a party, Pam."  
  
"Of course, Eddie. Someone has to make certain the girl gets some attention."  
  
"Of course," I said dryly. "Harley, I'm sorry about Jack, but did you forget about Christmas? You should have known better than to tell him about this tonight." I pinned her with a glare.  
  
"Puddin' wouldn't hurt a fly!" she said, beginning on one of her "he's just misunderstood" tirades. Another glare from me and she went still. "I'm sorry, Eddie. Red told me the same thing."  
  
I nodded my thanks to Ivy who returned my nod with one of her own. She was the only one that could really control Harley when it came down to it. Saying my goodbyes to the two, I went to get Dee who was now apologizing profusely to Oswald. He assured her that he didn't hold her responsible for what had happened. With the help of a couple of his bouncers, we managed to get all the gifts Dee had received out to the car. She looked exhausted as I buckled her in.  
  
"Did you at least have a good time to begin with?" I asked as we drove home.  
  
"A little. I'm not certain what they were thinking when they gave me some of those gifts though," she frowned, reaching into the backseat and pulling out one of the boxes. She held up a pair of delicate lace panties and a matching bra. I nearly choked as she held up more of the skimpy underwear. "Baby shower, not bachelorette party. What the hell am I going to do with this stuff?"  
  
I coughed then. What the hell was she going to do with it? "You could always wear it," I said. My voice cracked at the end like a teenager.  
  
"Get real, Eddie. I'm too fat for this."  
  
Parking the car, I helped her out. "You're not fat, you're just very pregnant. Give yourself a month and you'll be able to fit into that stuff."  
  
"Why? You won't be finding me very attractive after watching me push this kid out," she said as we walked into our room. She sat on the end of the bed, slipping her shoes off and rubbing her feet.  
  
I went quiet as I tugged my tie off. Tossing my hat onto the dresser and hung my jacket up. "Actually, Kitten, I'm more worried that you won't find me attractive or have time for me."  
  
Her arms wrapped around me from behind and she pressed her face to my back. "Oh, Tiger, I'm sorry! I've been thinking about me so much I didn't stop to consider you would ever feel that way." She kissed my back as she stroked my chest and belly. "I know the kid is going to be a handful, but I swear I will set aside time to be with you if you'll do the same for me. I haven't stopped wanting you or finding you attractive since...well, forever. You were my first real love and you're my last."  
  
Turning around, I looked down at her. "You'll still want me after the kid?"  
  
"I'll still want you when you're a wrinkly old man shaking his fist and question mark cane at the world." Stretching her arms around my neck, she pulled me down for a kiss. I was surprised by the ferocity of it. It was then that I knew she meant what she said. "If you help a woman fat with your child bathe, I'll give you a massage after," she purred enticingly.  
  
With a grin, I nodded and let her lead me into the bathroom.   
  



	12. Love Those Labor Pains

  
  
Valentine's Day. Dee was going crazy with it this year. She had woken me up with heart-shaped pancakes, bacon, and a carafe of mimosas (she had straight orange juice, of course). Throughout the day she would randomly come into the study, push her way into my lap, and start making out with me. This caused me to laugh because she would be in the middle of kissing me when the kid shifted and she had to run to the bathroom. Her due date was only three days away.  
  
After one such episode early in the afternoon, she didn't come back in. I figured she must have been napping, as the place was silent. Before she could come back, I hurried through the work I could. Tonight I had plans to take her to Garibaldi's for a special dinner. It was a surprise. I had ordered her a bouquet of tiger lilies, which had been delivered only a short while before her last make out attack. A special crème brulee was being made for her tonight, flavored with chocolate and orange.  
  
Once I had settled into a good rhythm with my work, I became oblivious to everything else. It wasn't until Rubix came bounding into my study and put his front paws on the desk did I get interrupted. When I tried to wave him down, he came around to my chair and butted it, rolling it away from the desk.  
  
"What do you want, you mangy beast?" I finally asked impatiently.  
  
Opening the lower drawer, I pulled out one of the tiger treats I kept there. Instead of taking it as he usually did, he knocked it from my hand with a blunt paw and took my arm in his jaws. He put only enough pressure on it to make certain I would move when he did. Tugging my arm, he led me out of my study. When I finally stepped out, I heard Dee calling my name urgently from the kitchen. Now I pelted down the hall, Rubix following behind me.  
  
"What's going on?" I asked skidding to a halt in the doorway. She was on the floor in a puddle of liquid. Thinking she had spilled something and slipped, I rushed over to her. "Are you ok?"  
  
"My water broke, Eddie. And the contractions have started," she moaned clutching her belly.  
  
"Crap. Let's get you up and to the hospital," I said, attempting to remain calm as I helped her off the floor and into a chair. "I'll go get your bag. Just sit there, ok?"  
  
"Eddie! Eddie, I want clean clothing!" she begged.  
  
"Ok, I'll bring it to you. Just _stay_ there!"  
  
Running back down the hall, I threw the closet door open, snatching up the hospital bag we had packed. Yanking open her pajama drawer, I pulled a gown out for her and grabbed her overcoat. From the bathroom I grabbed the towels and threw them on the kitchen floor the second I got back in there. No need for me to slip when I was helping her to the car. Carefully I helped her out of the dirty outfit she was wearing and into the gown. Wrapping her in her coat, I put my arm around her and helped her to the car.  
  
"Get out of the way!" I bellowed, honking and swerving in time to miss hitting the car in front of me.  
  
"Edward! Slow down!" Dee gasped, grabbing my arm. "I'll be ok! Just drive carefully!"  
  
Her hand pinching down on my arm as she had another contraction did nothing to relieve my worry about her, but I did slow the car down. Each time she had a contraction, she would unconsciously half shift into a feline. The ring was going to have to go until she had delivered the baby. I wasn't about to let her go into childbirth and have her turn into a tiger or something in the middle of a push. Thankfully she didn't argue when I asked her to hand it over.  
  
We made it to the birthing center where we had arranged for Dee to have the child. It was Gotham's newest facility, dedicated solely to natal care and the best in the city. Dee was quickly placed in a room and the nurses made her comfortable before contacting her doctor. I held her hand as she rested a bit while one of the nurses plaited her long hair into pigtail braids. She smiled at me and blushed when I squeezed her hand. Just then I was reminded of the first time I had seen her. It was brief and I hadn't seen her again for eight years, but I remembered it as if it were yesterday. Her hair had been in pigtail braids and she had blushed profusely when I smiled at her. Fifteen years later, I still felt the same spark of attraction I had on that day.  
  
"What?" she finally said as the nurse left us alone.  
  
"I was just thinking of that day at the carnival. You look just as beautiful right now as you did then," I told her.  
  
Her face crinkled up and her eyes filled with tears. Putting a hand to my face, she said, "You're so sweet. Just tell me if you think that in a few hours when I get all sweaty and start screaming at you."  
  
"I'll do my best," I chuckled. "Rest while you can. I'm going to make a couple phone calls. I'm sure you'll want Chu here soon enough."  
  
Nodding, she put her head back against the pillows and closed her eyes. I left her with a kiss on the forehead and stepped out to the waiting area. Using my cell phone, I called and told Manchu that Dee had gone into labor. He told me he would be down before too long with Chu, Jiaoshu, and Li Mei. Chu was just putting their kids down to bed. I made a few other calls then, one to Renato canceling my reservation (he said he would make another crème brulee for Dee and bring it to her in a few days), one to Trigger, and one to Harvey.  
  
"She's having the kid now?" Harvey asked.  
  
"Not yet. She just went into labor about an hour or two ago. Listen, she's going to be a while. Would you do me a favor and find Trigger? I haven't been able to get a hold of him. Ask him if his sister would come and clean up the place a bit. Dee's water broke in the kitchen and I'd like her to come home to a clean house."  
  
"I can do that. Pam's making me take her out tonight, but I'll swing by his place and let him know."  
  
"Thanks, Harv. I need to get back to Dee. Stop by tomorrow if you want." I hung up then, and stopped at the coffee machine. "How're you doing?" I asked sitting back down.  
  
"Good. One of the doctors just came in to check on me. I had a little nap. Did you get a hold of Manchu and Chu Hua?"  
  
"Yup. They said they would come down to see you in a while."  
  
"Why don't you go get yourself some dinner? You're probably hungry right now," she said patting my hand.  
  
"I don't want to leave you right now though."  
  
"Go. I want to sleep a bit more anyway. Get yourself some puzzle books while you're out. They said this might take a while and I know how you get when you have nothing else to do." She grinned at me and tugged my pinky.  
  
"Ok. Just don't go having the baby till I get back." Leaning over, I gave her a long kiss and touched my forehead to hers. "You have your comm-unit. Let me know if I can bring you anything back."  
  
Across the street from the center was an all-night diner. A few doors down was a bookstore. I hurried in before the clerk could close and scooped up a few crossword puzzle books. Paying for those, I made my way into the diner and sat at the counter. By the time I finished eating I had completed one book.  
  
"So he _didn't_ leave you," Chu said when I finally returned.  
  
"I wasn't gone _that_ long. Besides, she kicked me out," I said giving Dee a wink.  
  
"I kicked him out because he was whining and complaining that I was taking too long. He said women always take too long to do everything," she teased in return. I was glad that she was in good spirits at the moment.  
  
"Ok, all of you, out. I want to spend some time with my girl," I said.  
  
"We'll be out in the hall. You holler if this guy gives you any trouble and I'll beat him for you, Xiaohu," Manchu said taking Chu by the hand. He gave me a light punch on the shoulder and left the room.  
  
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I put my arms around Dee. "How're the contractions?"  
  
"Getting stronger. But it's ok. Chu gave me something for the pain."  
  
I frowned. "You said you wouldn't take anything without telling me first, Dee."  
  
"Oh, Eddie. She took it for both her births and Dr. Zhuang said it was fine. It's all-natural and it's been used for centuries, ok? I promised you I wouldn't have an epidural, but that doesn't mean I'm going through this all in pain. Because if it does, I'm going to take Manchu up on that offer and make him put you in pain every time I have a contraction."  
  
This wasn't worth debating. Chu's children had been born healthy and I wasn't going to deny Dee the small comfort of whatever it was her friend had given her. Brushing her bangs back from her eyes, I gave her a kiss. "Did you want to get up and walk?"  
  
She nodded and I helped her up. Dee stuffed her feet into the fuzzy slippers we had brought and wrapped her robe around herself. We walked the halls for twenty to thirty minutes at a time. Chu and Manchu took turns with me, returning her to bed to rest in between. This was the routine for the next five hours.  
  
"You're fully dilated, Dee," said Dr. Zhuang around three in the morning. "Looks like it's time for you to start having this baby!"  
  
"About damn time," she grumbled.  
  
The contractions had taken their toll on her and now she wanted nothing more than to start pushing. Her hair was matted to her head with sweat and she was sucking down ice chips before they had time to even start melting. Chu and Manchu had left around one, promising her they would be back sometime in the morning. Dee was terribly upset to see Chu go and begged the other woman to stay. Chu had managed to convince Dee that she would be in better hands with me than with her. Now as I wiped her brow and fed her ice chips, I was beginning to doubt Chu's words.  
  
"Ok, Dee. I want you to do your breathing and give me a good push. Ready?"  
  
She nodded and spit the ice out into my waiting hand, taking my other hand in hers. Dropping the ice into the cup next to me, I took her other hand and gave her a comforting squeeze.  
  
"Ready, Kitten? Deep breath..."  
  
"Edward, that had better not be you talking right now. So help me if it is!" she growled through clenched teeth. "Do not open your mouth until this is kid is out, understand?!"  
  
_Shutting up now._  
  
Manchu had told me all the things Chu had screamed at him when she gave birth. He reassured me that after the baby was out, Dee would be fine and calm down. Right now I was more worried about the grip she had on my hands as she bared down. However, I kept my silence, gritting my teeth while she squeezed my hands as she pushed.  
  
"You're doing great, Dee! Keep it up. Breath and push," Dr. Zhuang said.  
  
"Damnit, Eddie! I swear I am going to hurt you once this is all over! You are going to pay, buddy!"  
  
"The baby's crowning! Just a couple more pushes now, Dee and it'll all be over."  
  
_Hurt me after?_ I thought, wincing as she squeezed my hands hard enough to make my knuckles pop. _Kitten, after this, anything you do to me is going to feel great. Just remember that my hands are my life and you love them._  
  
"C'mon, Dee! One more push!" cheered the doctor.  
  
With what sounded like a cross between a roar and a scream, Dee gave one final push. Collapsing back on the pillows she panted and began to shake. I wiped the sweat off her face and kissed her forehead and actually felt the heat of tears on my cheeks as I heard the sound of our baby cry.  
  
"You did a magnificent job, Kitten. I'm so proud of you," I said, not even caring that Dr. Zhuang had yet to tell us the sex of our baby.  
  
"Eddie? Do you want to cut the cord?" she asked holding the mess of ropey tissue up and a pair of surgical scissors.  
  
"Yeah, I do," I said, surprising myself. I snipped through the cord and looked at the squalling child as the nurses wiped it clean, trying to see if I had a son or a daughter. "What is it?"  
  
Wrapping the baby up in a clean cloth, Dr. Zhuang brought the baby over to where Dee and I could both see it. "Congratulations, Eddie, Dee. You've got a beautiful baby boy," she beamed as she placed the baby on Dee's chest. "Have you decided on a name for him?"  
  
It nuzzled at her chest and the nurse pulled Dee's gown back. We watched as the baby spent only a few seconds crying before he relaxed and took Dee's nipple into his mouth. A boy! I had a son! Our child wasn't going to be named Ethel Nigma. Our son was going to be...  
  
"Edward Nigma Jr. I want to name him after his father. It's a good, strong name. He's going to be a great and good man just like his father." Dee smiled up at me as she cradled the baby to her. "Is that ok with you, Tiger? He just looks so much like you. I know we decided on..."  
  
All right with me? I couldn't help myself then. I gave Dee one of the most passionate and loving kisses I ever had.   
  



	13. Epilogue and Author's Notes

  
  
**Epilogue**:  
  
A hand running through my hair woke me some time later. In my joy I had lost track of what had happened after the baby was taken away for a check up. Lifting my head from where it rested on my arms, I sat back up in my chair to see Dee smiling at me.  
  
"Morning, Dad," she said softly, her voice raw from giving birth.  
  
"Morning, Mom," I replied. Getting up, I moved to sit next to her and put my arms around her shoulders. Next to her bed was a bassinet containing our sleeping son. The nurse came in then and lifted the baby out, handing him over to Dee. After taking our breakfast order, she left. I watched as Dee bared one of her breasts and held our son to it. Without hesitation, he sucked her nipple into his mouth and began feeding hungrily. The boy knew a good thing when he saw it.  
  
_Lucky kid._ "He's got your hair," I said, stroking the fine layer of red hair on his head.  
  
"And he's got your chin," she replied as she kissed mine. "Nose, too."  
  
"He has your appetite," I teased as the boy slurped away.  
  
"Mm. Yes. I'm hungry too. I hope she comes back soon."  
  
Tilting her face to mine, I gave her a soft kiss. "Even after all that, you're still beautiful. I love you."  
  
We kissed a few more times before she had to stop to switch the baby over to her other breast. Sighing, she stroked his soft cheek as she leaned her head against my chest. I was more than happy to just hold her in my arms and watch my son eat. My son. I had a son!  
  
"I didn't expect it to feel like this, Eddie. It's... It's..."  
  
"Overwhelming, wonderful, and frightening," I finished.  
  
She nodded. "It's hard to believe that we're parents now. Everything feels like a dream."  
  
By the time Eddie Jr. had his fill, Dee's stomach was growling. Patiently though, she burped the child. He yawned, gave a whimper, and went to sleep. Dee was reluctant to let the boy go, even though he would still be in arm's reach.  
  
"Ms. Lemma, would you like me to send someone in to wash your hair and give you a bath?"  
  
"Can he do it?" she asked holding my hand as the nurse swung the loaded table over the bed. She wasn't fond of strangers seeing her naked. After this morning, I think she had had quite enough of being displayed to the world.  
  
"If he wants." When I agreed, she apologized to Dee as she held up a couple of tubes. "I know you just had the baby attached to your breasts, but I'll need to get some milk from you to hold. We'll be using it to teach Mr. Nigma how to properly feed the baby."  
  
Sighing, she nodded and allowed the nurse to attach the tubes to her nipples. "I feel like a cow," she said when the nurse left. Half-heartedly she poked at her food, pushing it around instead of eating.  
  
"A pretty cow," I said hoping to make her smile at least. It didn't work and her lower lip stuck out as her chin began to tremble. Setting my plate down, I gave her a hug and a kiss. "I'm sorry. We were going to do this anyway."  
  
"Yeah, but doing it while I'm eating makes me feel like a cow. You always see them being shuffled in to the barn and fed while they get these stupid things attached to their udders."  
  
"Eat, Dee. You haven't had anything solid to eat in hours. I'll talk to them and tell them not to do this at a meal, ok?"  
  
Halfway through her breakfast, the pump shut itself off. Without waiting for the nurse, Dee pulled the tubes off and pulled her gown shut. "This stuff tastes almost as bad as the food in Arkham. I love the center, but they really need to get decent cooks for the price they charge," she grumbled.  
  
Once she finished eating, she told me she wanted to bathe and then nap. Her belly looked odd now without the baby inside of her. The loose skin felt strange under my hands as I helped her wash. She was happy afterward, saying she felt better now that she was clean. I let her dry her hair as I washed my face, wishing I had thought to throw a razor in her bag for myself. Brushing her hair out, she had me tie it back for her.  
  
I hurried down to the nurses' station and asked them to turn away any visitors for Dee. Once that was taken care of, I went back to the room. Dee was struggling to keep her eyes open and now she scooted over when I came back, patting the spot she had just made for me.  
  
"Come and sleep with me. I want us all together."  
  
Feeling sleepy myself, I was more than happy to oblige her. Tucking her against myself, I stroked her arm and belly sending her off to sleep. With a sigh, I rested my hand on her slack belly, closing my eyes. I smiled as she took a hold of my hand in her sleep and pressed it between her breasts. Seeing my two most precious possessions sleeping, I felt like the wealthiest man in the world. It was then that I realized that I really wasn't going to need crime in my life again for adventure. I had a beautiful girlfriend who had just given me the best gift in the world since the day she had given me her trust. What the hell else did I need?   
  


~ ~ ~

**Acknowledgements:**  
  
Ok, this was a bit of an experiment piece, but I had a helluva good time writing it. I just want to thank my friend Dien for being rude enough to show me (www .riddlersrealm .com/fanfic/ cuddle/eddiejr.jpg) this picture when she was looking for a Riddler picture. I had seen it before, but just passed it over after a giggle. Things would have been safe if she hadn't brought it up to me during one of our incoherent rambling sessions, and said, "That's you and Eddie's brat! He's got your hair!" Thanks, Dien. I love you, too! The conversation dribbled off after she showed me (www .riddlersrealm .com/fanfic/ cuddle/eddiejr2.gif) another picture with an older kid wearing what looked like Zorro's hat done up Riddler style. I insisted that Eddie and I would never let our child out in an outfit as bad as that. We'd give him a nice costume along with explosives and whatnot!  
  
I'd also like to throw a thank you out to Flickguy. I was stuck trying to find a title for this story and when I told him, he began throwing out ideas. After a few, he hit me with "Cuddlenundrum" and, well, I obviously loved it!  
  
One last thank you and I'll shut up. I just want to thank the few loyal readers I have out there who give me encouragement. If it weren't for you (Erin, Lane Closure, Phil, Heather, and Dean, for the most part), I wouldn't have the nerve to put anything else out, keeping these stories on my zip drive and to myself. Thank you for reading and showing interest in my piddling offerings to you!  
  
Because she's my biggest fanart person in the world (and I absolutely worship and love her to death) I want to say a special thanks to (www .introducing-emy .com) Emy/Phobia. Love you, Emy! Don't ever stop being the wonderful and quirky you that you are!  
  
The movie that Dee was quoting as she watched it is _Pat and Mike_, a fabulous Katharine Hepburn movie. And thanks to Ms. Hepburn for her attitude. If it weren't for you, Dee and I wouldn't have the will that we have now. I've always tried to be the strong person she is both in life and in her movies.  
  
To see the banner I created for this story, go to www .riddlersrealm .com/fanfic/ cuddle /cuddlebanner.gif.  
  
Due to FF.Net's unwillingness to allow links in stories, please copy and paste the addresses, removing the spaces. Thank you!   
  



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